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04-10-2022 09:59 PM
04-10-2022 09:59 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
hey @Jo4123, I'm so glad to hear that you've reached out to a few people. And I think it's totally understandable to be worried about it getting around the town. I grew up in a small town and I think I know the worries you're feeling.
You're not alone ❤️
Here are a few ideas for supporting your husband
- You could speak to your GP and encourage him to do so
- Here is a factsheet for Families, friends and carers from SANE
- This Carers Gateway has heaps of extra info
I also wonder if you have support for your own mental health?
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19-10-2022 07:15 AM
19-10-2022 07:15 AM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
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19-10-2022 08:33 AM
19-10-2022 08:33 AM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
Ohhh @Tootsy
Sending you lots of understanding hugs my friend
I totally understand, I have to watch what I say , how I say it , when to say anything
My husband says I am not his carer, he won't get help any more
Finding the right balance can be tricky at times and then we have to remember our own self care also
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19-10-2022 04:27 PM
19-10-2022 04:27 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
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19-10-2022 04:48 PM
19-10-2022 04:48 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
Just reading through and wanted to share that earlier this week, I attended a conference on MH. One of the carers spoke from her lived experience and explained that although she was a carer, she was really, a wife. She mentioned that as soon as she pulled the word 'carer' out, it made her husband feel very disheartened as one needing to be cared for.
The terminology in turn added to their reliance and co-dependency.
Do you think the term 'carer' has anything to do with what you are describing @Tootsy @Shaz51 ?
Perhaps the term 'carer' also causes us to behave in certain ways? I'm not sure. I'm only throwing this out here.
I'm interested to hear what you have to say.
Kindest, tyme
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19-10-2022 05:26 PM
19-10-2022 05:26 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
That is a good question @Tootsy , I have let a lot of things slide over the years and earlier in my marriage I have cried in the bathroom by myself
But it depends what you think we should stand up for ourselves more , over the years I have learnt to leave a suggestion, a small statement and let him think about what I said
Don't know how long you have been married , here for you if you have some questions xx
@tyme carer vs wife is tricky sometimes , and when something happens like my husband ended up having a breakdown and ended up in hospital
Myself went into carer mode even though I was not his carer
I had to change my attitude and try to be his wife
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19-10-2022 05:30 PM
19-10-2022 05:30 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
By all means @Shaz51 , being a wife doesn't mean you can't also be caring for him. I'm more thinking the terminology of 'carer'.
Only a thought 🙂
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19-10-2022 05:33 PM
19-10-2022 05:33 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
Interested in knowing more @tyme
What are your thoughts xx
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19-10-2022 05:37 PM
19-10-2022 05:37 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
I'm not sure. I think the term 'carer' can be harmful at times. For a child, fair enough, but to be the carer for an adult may be demoralising? Now, I'm not saying caring for someone. I'm talking about using the term 'carer' - not the action of caring for someone. @Shaz51
So instead of saying, this is my wife or this is my husband, they may say "this is my carer" which reinforces that the person needs to be cared for? Will the then put in the energy to get out of that?
These are just my thoughts. All situations are different. Say, for example, Mr Shaz was not well, would you say to a doctor/nurse, "I'm his wife" or "I'm his carer"? And would your answer impact the his recovery?
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19-10-2022 05:44 PM
19-10-2022 05:44 PM
Re: Wives caring for Husbands
I have said that I am Mr shaz wife @tyme
And yes it would impact his recovery as he has said years ago " that I am not his carer but his wife "
Other thing he says is " I am married to you ( me ) not my family "