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19-05-2022 05:41 PM
19-05-2022 05:41 PM
Supporting husband
My husband who I’ve known for over 30 years has just revealed that he was abused by a family member as a child. This has only recently come to light and he is struggling with anxiety and feelings of guilt and shame. I am worried that he might consider suicide. He has sought help and has an appointment to see a psychologist. I am struggling to come to terms with this. I don’t know how I can face his family (including the abuser) I am so angry with them. I am not able to speak with anyone about this and don’t want to show to my husband that I’m struggling as I need to support him.
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19-05-2022 08:34 PM
19-05-2022 08:34 PM
Re: Supporting husband
Thank you for sharing @ClaireB .
I hear how hard it is to be faced with such a difficult situation.
It’s good you are also considering your own health and supports.
Here are links to some numbers that may be of help to you or your husband:
- 1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732
- NSW Sexual Violence Helpline: 1800 424 017
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
- Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling
- If in immediate danger: 000
You are also welcome to phone our SANE helpline on 1800 187 263 to speak to our amazing counsellors.
I hope you will find these forums helpful and be able to connect with others who may provide insight into your experiences.
Sitting with you,
tyme
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20-05-2022 11:36 AM
20-05-2022 11:36 AM
Re: Supporting husband
Sending lots of support to you, your husband and family. It is very difficult. My family has been through a similar situation. When my mum found out about what happened to my dad, we stopped seeing that family member. At first, we tried family counselling and tried to seek a heartfelt apology from the abuser. It didn't work. They denied it and also try to place blame on the victim which is what happens in most cases. We stopped seeing that side of the family altogether, except for 2 other families that were uninvolved and supported us. It's been a long journey with lots of stress and horrible feelings and court cases too. Unfortunately other younger family members don't believe what happened and believe that what happened was mutual. This hurts but we feel like we've done our part letting extended family know in case the abuser ever does it again.
It is good your husband has confided this in you. Men often suffer in silence and never bring it up for the rest of their life. It's a hard situation as you and your husband probably feel mixed emotions of wanting to keep the peace with family but it is painful for you both to be around the abuser. Maybe it might be good to ask him if his current relationship with the abuser is currently a good one or not worth pursuing? If not, it may be healthier for your husband not to see the abuser again or keep distant if that's not possible.
There is a specialised group that help men deal with mental health and abuse. My dad found it useful to go to a men's support group with the following organisation: https://www.samsn.org.au/
All the best to you, your husband and family as you navigate what is best for you and your husband. Know that you are not alone either. Beyond Blue has online chat if you ever need it. Lifeline could be helpful too. GP's offer a mental health plan so you can get covered for some psychology costs through Medicare.
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20-05-2022 02:31 PM
20-05-2022 02:31 PM
Re: Supporting husband
Hi @ClaireB ,
You must be going through so many emotions right now (as must your husband) and my heart truly goes out to you and your family.
I've known my husband for almost the same amount of time you've known yours and can only imagine what it would be like to find this out.
@Love2 and @tyme have offered some great supports you and your husband might like to reach out to.
I just want to say I'm here for you to reach out to also and hope your find lots of support here on the forums,
sending hugs
hanami 💮
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20-05-2022 02:52 PM - edited 20-05-2022 02:57 PM
20-05-2022 02:52 PM - edited 20-05-2022 02:57 PM
Re: Supporting husband
Hey there @Love2
I noticed you're new here so wanted to say welcome to the forums!
I agree with what you say about men tending to suffer in silence. Especially the older generation who were brought up often being told to be stoic.
Anyway just wanted to hi and let you know if you need to tag someone in the forums you can type the @ symbol then their name from the drop down list so they can see your post or comment.
I hope you find lots of support here from this wonderful community.
I'll add this link that takes you to some of our social spaces which you might enjoy!
hugs
hanami 💮