Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Hello @Mandy1, @Littleshining1, @Phanelope., @Former-Member, sending you lots of tender hugs pleas e keep talking to us , xoxo

[Former-Member]

@Mandy1 does your partner involve you in his care and treatment? Do you understand the drugs that they are taking and if sexual dysfunction is one of the side effects?  If they are it might pay to have a conversation with your partner to see how they feel about the situation, in our case he was wanting intimacy it was just not possible, it could be upsetting for them too. You might find they might be happy to provide a bit of skin on skin even if full sex is not possible. As mentioned Mr D would not raise the matter with the treating team and I needed to, if that is the case with your other half you might find that you need to the same - nothing to be embarrassed about they are used to these things.  Depending on the class of meds your partner is on there might be room for improvement i.e. there are prolactin sparing antipsychotics that preserve sexual function.  There could be something that can be done if your partner is amenable. Can't say things are quite the same in relation to tecnhique either but once he was back in business things picked up.  Sadly in a drought again as he has a hip injury ..booked for surgery .. hoping things will pick up after.

Good luck 

Darcy

[Mandy1]

Hi @Former-Member

Thankyou so much for your prompt and thorough response - well I have to say it's been a big night of unexpected sharing and much needed frank conversations - really glad I reached out in a safe and anonymous forum. My partner is a female and I am aware of her drug names but not impact on libido - however she is about to go into hospital for a major med change so not sure what the new drugs will be until we see psychiatrist on Monday - I will make a point of asking and discussing the matter directly - I depsarately want intimacy with her as much as possible - however I want her to be healthy and stable more than I want intimacy.

You have encouraged me to discuss this with her and her psychiatrists - one for hospital stay and her normal outpatient psychiatrist.

As a female who identifies as bi-sexual but has never had penetrative sex with a male I am curious as hell .. so I also browsed an escort site tonight to explore options - I read reviews from clients from both genders using services of professional escorts of both genders - as singles and couples - I was surprised by the integrity of reviews written all round - I got the courage up to call the agency and anonymously ask some questions...

The lovely receptionist recommended same as you lol that I should talk to my partner about it as a top priority and find a way to share my intimacy journey as a couple and build our relationship rather than break the trust by doing this secretly ... she said many couples found the experience of professional escorts enriching for their relationships and learnt tips to look after each other within their relationships ... it's pricey but would rather save up for a safe educational enjoyable and no strings attached experience ... can't believe I was thinking of cheating - this would exponentially increase my burden not help either of us ... now I feel hopeful that I can explore intimacy in safe ways without risking my beautiful trust with my adorable partner!

Anyway I will discuss with her and naturally expect a fair wait for any action as she goes into hospital Monday for a lengthy med change .. guess I'll look after myself by myself till then !!!

Can't believe how free and happy and empowered I feel after discussing with you and the escort agency - it's ok to feel curious and it's ok to share all of me with my partner rather than hide and repress and risk betraying the trust of the woman I love more than anyone in the whole wide world !!!

[Mandy1]

@Former-Member thx for bothering to reply so thoughtfully - you may very well have just saved my relationship and my sanity !!

[Former-Member]

You can google the drug side effects @Mandy1 I can't say off the top of my head but I think the ones that cause dysfunction in blokes can cause milk leakage in women who are not pregnant.

[Healandlove]

@Littleshining1 I am sorry you are going through this too. My husband has complex-PTSD and showing affection is a struggle for him. He is seeing a trauma psychologist, we are doing marriage counselling and I am also doing my own therapy separately to help me cope. It has been almost 2 years of this and I feel he takes one step forward and 2 back. We have young children so it is very hard to live walking on eggshells and on the receiving end of insecurities and reactions to trigger. He does love his kids but sometimes his disengagement with me and distancing makes me think he truly doesn't love me anymore.  Any members with messages of hope that it does get better? 

[fluffylight]

Hi @Healandlove

Thank you so much for sharing this. We are sharing our warm welcomes with you onto the forums.

Because this thread is a bit old our other lovely forum members may not be notified.

We have a Friends, Family & Carers Forum if you would like to post a new discussion in there for some support so members can be aware 🙂

Please let us know if you need any support with this.

I am hearing how hard things are and so glad that you have reached out.

fluffylight x

[Healandlove]

@fluffylight thank you so much for your response. Could you please post a link to the forum you were referring to?

Hope you have a lovely weekend. 

[tyme]

Hey @Healandlove ,

You are in the Family and Carers forum. If you wanted to, you could create a new discussion from the main page. https://saneforums.org/t5/forums/postpage/choose-node/true/category-id/carers-forum

No pressure though if you prefer to post here.

It sounds like a difficult time. I'm glad to hear you are taking steps to see things improve. It may take some time though. I hope you find the support you need while you work on things.