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‎13-09-2016 02:35 PM - edited ‎13-09-2016 02:46 PM
‎13-09-2016 02:35 PM - edited ‎13-09-2016 02:46 PM
Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
Hello everyone,
The girl who I used to be in a long distance relationship with, who is 17 and lives in the USA, desperately needs professional mental therapy. However, her father refuses to get it for her and says that she's making it all up, despite the fact that she's been officially diagnosed for her issues. Not only that, but he actively makes her problems worse with the way he acts towards her, despite her telling him many many times how bad it is for her.
So, I have written up a message to him to try and solve these problems.
I want to give it the highest chance of success possible, as he frequently disregards and ignores things, no matter how important they are; therefore any advice that anybody has for things that I could add or change would be hugely appreciated.
"Hi there,
I'm not sure how much of an impact this is going to have as you don't really know me and so have no reason to respect my input, but I need to try anyway, as what I'm going to talk about is very serious and urgent.
As someone who knows [redacted] better than anybody, I can say with 100% certainty that she needs to get professional psychological help immediately. Her issues, which as you know range from severe depression, frequent suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem and extreme emotional sensitivity and instability, affect everything in her life and will continue to worsen the longer they are left untreated.
Also, it is not only the lack of therapy that is making her mental health worse, but also her environments, especially her home environment, which is by far doing her the most damage.
Look, I don't want to berate you, but I've heard for myself the way you speak to her and things you say. To put it plainly, no child ever deserves to hear those things from a parent, someone who is supposed to love and support them, not mercilessly bully and put them down all the time. There's no way around it: this has had and still continues to have a huge negative impact on her, and it needs to stop if she is ever to get better.
It is extremely evident that if her mental health continues to deteriorate because of not getting therapy and not having her home situation improved, it's only a matter of time before she snaps completely or ends up actually killing herself.
Your daughter is a amazing girl with a wonderful heart, mind and soul. She doesn't deserve to go through any of this. She deserves the chance to be happy. So please, I'm begging you, take her to get help and give her the support and encouragement she needs, so she can become the person she deserves to be."
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‎13-09-2016 03:25 PM
‎13-09-2016 03:25 PM
Re: Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
Hi there Ruskiesplin, I am messedupmama. I thinks it's great that you want to give it a go but if he is ignoring what is right in front of him it seems unlikely to me that he will pay any attention to an electronic message from a total stranger. Personally I would encourage her to seek help from an adult face to face be that a relative, teacher, school counsellor or her own GP. Good luck with it, I simply cannot image what a teenager is to do without the help and support of a loving family. Mental illness is hard enough with love, support and guidance. I hope your friend gets the help she needs and is able to become the person she deserves to be
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‎13-09-2016 05:32 PM
‎13-09-2016 05:32 PM
Re: Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
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‎13-09-2016 06:33 PM - edited ‎13-09-2016 06:34 PM
‎13-09-2016 06:33 PM - edited ‎13-09-2016 06:34 PM
Re: Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
I was going to send it via Facebook.
I wouldn't really call him a complete stranger, as he does know of me, and I certainly know a lot about him, and have seen/heard a lot of him and his interactions with his daughter whenever she and I Skype. It's just that we haven't really ever personally interacted with each other, which is why I say he doesn't really know me.
While flying her over here to live would certainly be a solution, unfortunately it's not something that either of us could currently afford.
Her mother died when she was younger, which has also significantly contributed to her problems.
As for how well I know her, I meant what I said in the message about knowing her better than anyone. There are no secrets between us, and our love and bond feels as deep as any two people could ever accomplish. The only reason we broke up was because I unfortunately wasn't strong enough to be able to withstand some of her issues, and I was being very negatively affected by it. After a period of about two months or so of not talking, which we agreed was best for a while, we have resumed contact and talk every day.
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‎13-09-2016 08:59 PM
‎13-09-2016 08:59 PM
Re: Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
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‎16-09-2016 11:43 AM - edited ‎16-09-2016 11:50 AM
‎16-09-2016 11:43 AM - edited ‎16-09-2016 11:50 AM
Re: Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
@pip Sorry for the late reply.
The only other person she feels comfortable asking for assistance from is the school psychology teacher, which she asked for from him a few days ago, but while he gave her his phone number, he advised her to see a professional as he is not a qualified therapist.
No, we haven't met in the flesh yet. Contact was first established via being mutual friends with somebody who did personally know her in real life.
As for verifying facts, I have spoken to her 19 year-old sister who lives with them who receives the same treatment but to a lesser extent, as well as many friends of hers, and they all confirm the same information.
Also to me there's a big difference between stern discipline and being a complete bully, and he is obviously the latter. He has also previously acknowledged that he has his own range of problems, and that he takes them out on his children rather than actually deal with them. Additionally, he frequently puts his daughters on a much lower priority than other things, such as his long term girlfriend and the biker club he's a part of.
While it would be possibly a better idea to speak to the father face to face, he's quite an unpleasant character and I feel so uncomfortable about the idea of doing that, as I can't even bring myself to say a word whenever he's around when I'm Skyping with his daughter.
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‎16-09-2016 03:30 PM
‎16-09-2016 03:30 PM
Re: Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
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‎16-09-2016 03:37 PM - edited ‎16-09-2016 03:50 PM
‎16-09-2016 03:37 PM - edited ‎16-09-2016 03:50 PM
Re: Advice for a message to ex-girlfriend's father
One of the main issues here is that she can't get professional help by herself before she's 18, as parental consent is required in the state she lives and her father won't give it. If she could, she absolutely would.
Sorry, I should have made this clear in my opening post.
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‎16-09-2016 04:24 PM
‎16-09-2016 04:24 PM