Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Claired]

Someone I have been working with for about a month has just been escorted to the hosptal, by the police. The mental health worker who arranged the Emergency Admission (EA) just kept coming back to the fact that she was going to deterioraate over the next few days. I just keep on returning to the issue that she was not the right fit for our cosy, little, suppoted accommodation facility.

Thiose facts come easlily, but what lingers on is why I wanted to help her; no-one else waa giving her  a chance.

I'm actually someone with lived-experience; however my last admission was voluntary. Attitude these days is that lived--experience can help us to perform better in our Community/Ciinical jobs.  How is this meant to help me in this kind of situation ?

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Claired,

Having lived experience gives you a great depth of compassion and empathy for other people living with MI. It's great that you're helping others, but I can see how this could be difficult when you see that people are getting the support that you feel that they need.

How are you feeling about this person? May I ask if it feel like you have 'taken them home'? I mean this metaphorically - taken them home in your thoughts and feeling is a better of way of describing it. May I ask if you feel like you could have done anything more?

I believe there are a few members like yourself who live with MI and also work in the sector @Tight-Control has written about it here. And I'm pretty sure @Alessandra1992, and @Neb and @JT works in MH too - is that right, Sandy, JT and Neb? Sorry if I've gotten wrong (my memory is a little stretched!) Perhaps they can share some of their own experiences?

[Claired]

In response to your question, it felt like I had adopted her - taken her in, gave her money for bus fares and food, paid for her medications, even took her away on a weekend camp. Everytime she had a psychotic turn she would become very emotional afterwards. She would apologise, shed tears and say I love you.

Unfortunately the facility I work in (not too comfy and warm) houses 3 ohter individuals; they all feel safer now this woman has left - as thay are quite vulnerable.

Thanks for the info on which people have posted from lived experience + professional work.

Claire

[Tight-Control]

HI @Claired

Yes it can be very difficult . I t sdounds like you have bonded with the client .Which can be very hard for yourself and for them.

It may pay to step back a bit . I know this is hard but if possible swap case load.

It will be better in the long run for yourself and the other person. 

I have a simular but reverse issue . My son has just come out of being an involunatary admission and is at home . I find myslef case managing and not being " dad ". Court case coming up possible imprisonment for him. The lines can become very blurred. I have asked my son if he wants to be 

Remember that you may need to step away to allow the client to find other supports and grow there own independance as far as they can. 

There will be other clients now and in the future who may need your help, you need to look after yourself first.

Talk it through with your employer they should have numbers you can call to debrief with.

Good luck

[hopeandsupport]

it's not forget about yourself, help others

[Neb]

This actually frightened me...the relationship between you and the other person. Its so much like married couples where the husband knocks his partner around physically and/or emotionally, then comes on all the loving and contrite manipulator.

I hope this is NOT the case in your situation. For your safety and possibly for the survival of the relationship with the other person I absolutely agree that you need to step back and assess your involvement with this person and what you want out of the relationship. Establish those boundaries in your head at least.

Whether or not there is a conscious manipulation occuring from the other person, you could be sucked dry and ultimately abandoned as the other person seeks what they desire . I hate to say this as I possibly did similarly when I was very ill, I would have been appalled to think I was manipulative. Remember the other person IS sick, what they perceive as logical is probably not from your perspective.  Stay safe!

[Claired]

Belated response..

Re-reading your response I've developed a deeper understanding. I can only imagine what you're going through with your own child. My colleague, who is usually very astute in her judgements actually pressed me to take this client on in the first place. She's been through it at home; brought her son back from the brink (of a very dreadful ICE addiction). Because its close to home for her I felt emotionally involved. I would like to work more on boundaries and professionalism to overcome my fear of this sort of thing happening again.

Thanks again (Tight-control) for your refelctive response. I am using support to debrief but its not the Employee Assistance Service (its my psychologist + an ex-support worker)

Claire

[Claired]

Yes (hopeandsupport) I know you're right. And I did the right thing by myself and others.

[Claired]

Hi Neb,

I must say you're post has helped the most. Yes this other person IS sick. The program I work for is "Grow" and we have support groups (everywhere) in which we spend a lot of time exploring our maladjustments and innadequacies. It can be a bit exhausting, following that point of view at times, but when you need to hear it - it really counts. I feel now that that is exactly what I needed to hear to help me see this situation more clearly.

What you see in the relationship is reflective of the bigger picture. Although I gave her bus money and so on the real boundary crossing had been going on with another staff member. She was getting lifts out of town and calling up on Sundays for a ride back in. He is really new at the job and in the end I found myself setting boundaries for him. Telling him not to drive her places, and reminding him that I certainly wouldn't do it.

Neb, You've motivated me to do something about hte boudaries at the office. I'm going to browse my student library now for one of the most helpful book I've read on boundaries. Thanks. Claire

[hopeandsupport]

You sound like a very compassionate person, and it's a pity no one else was willing to step in and help.  Keep yourself safe, you can't do it on your own.  I have tried to do it myself and it doesn't work, you always need the support of at least one other person or you will only be doing yourself harm.