Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Kuro1]

Hi everyone,

I really want some advice on how to deal with my brother. He’s nice when everything goes his way, but when I make a mistake or if his partner does he loses it. Either in very big theatrical arguments or in passive-aggressive exits to his room. 

I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around him and his partner, that no matter how I try or do, every week there’s some issue.

How do I handle this? I also have terrible anxiety and depression that I try my best to mask whenever they’re home. And arguments are one of my triggers - so you can imagine how that goes 😅 At the moment they are both frequenting the family house almost daily, which I think makes it harder for me to have detox time. 

Appreciate any help!

[tyme]

Hi there @Kuro1 ,

Thank you for sharing and reach out to the SANE community. I can here how hard it can be in that you don't want to let your sibling down, but you also have to look after yourself.

I'm wondering if, when he is calm, you let him know that you struggle with anxiety and arguments are a trigger? Having this conversation beforehand may help him to realise his actions are affecting you. It may also help you set some boundaries such as, when he is triggered, you exit and have a break. 

I think boundary-setting and communication is one of the most important things when it comes to managing behaviour. You deserve to feel safe in the home as well as he.

Thoughts?

[Tilz]

@Kuro1  Hi that's normal sometimes. Just try this. When they are around ,you just go for a walk or do something different. If they agree take them for a meal.