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Looking after ourselves

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

@Littletink_  I am wondering if you (and your partner) would benefit from the support of an autism association group. I believe there are family sessions available that may help you learn to better manage the things your partner can do without feeling like you are their parent. Does your partner would qualify for NDIS? Getting in some outside help may also take the pressure off you.

 

Perhaps having a daily schedule of things your partner can do for each day of the week which will give them some responsibility and a feeling that they are not entirely worthless - Mr D likes routine and will always wash our sheets on a Monday, if it is raining he puts them in the electric dryer (vs putting on another set of linen on the bed and waiting for a fine day to wash them and use our 'solar dryer').

 

I firmly believe that when our loved ones are not acute, that they need to be able to do what they are functionally able to do around the home. I don't like to use the MH term "enabling" in relation to bipolar ii as such, anxiety, depression etc can be at times be very disabling symptoms and are not "bad behaviour". However, I do believe at times that we can contribute to learned helplessness and at times (read: often) do far too much for our partners when it is not necessary for us to do so. We can at times let their disorder be an excuse for not doing things.

Of course this is put very simply and the reality is more complicated than that, especially when they are acute, Dr Candida Fink, a pdoc puts it "Mental illness breaks many things in someone’s life. Sometimes resources for even basic life needs are eroded—personal finances, occupation, education, nutrition, hygiene, sleep. The idea that just letting someone struggle until they “figure it out” is profoundly ineffective, not to mention mean-spirited." 

 

 

 

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

Hi @Darcy Smiley Happy

 

I think I may have to definitely look into that. We did start the process for the NDIS and the paperwork is mostly done we just have to confirm a few things with the GP. Sometimes I leave things for a bit in hoping that she will get onto it herself but usually doesn't. I guess it's hard because sometimes I see her as very capable of doing certain things herself so I just think no, I'm not going to push it or add it to my list of things to do as I have been pretty stressed this year due to my own health issues so some things have gone on the backburner but then they never get done. That is a good idea in regards to the housework, another one I may have to try 

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

It is hard @Littletink_  when we are unwell and we are the ones who press on despite our own pain. 

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

How are things going @Littletink_ 

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

How are you going @Littletink_ 

 

How are you going in relation to your own health needs?

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

Hi @Darcy 

 

Sorry for the extremely late reply. Life has been hectic and I haven't logged on lately. I am going okay. I had my MRI scans a couple of weeks ago and am going to see the Rheumatologist on the 27th. I'm really hoping something shows up on the scans as I've been dealing with this mystery illness for a year now and have been sent around the ringer by doctors and specialists. I am going okay with my partner it's more my Mother I am struggling with at the moment. She is very difficult to deal with sometimes and her behaviour causes me deep anxiety and depression. Does anyone else here have any advice on how to deal with a difficult parent? I've been told that she displays egocentric, manipulative  behaviour and is emotionally immature by a counsellor. I've been going on the Beyond Blue webchat every couple of weeks because it's been so hard. 
How are you going @Darcy ? I hope you have a lovely and relaxing Christmas Smiley Happy If that's even possible at this time of year haha 

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

@Littletink_ 

Lovely you are following up on your own health and you are getting support through BB. 

Will tag you in a mother's thread.

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

@Littletink_  My mother can also be manipulative and difficult at times ... very heightened emotions, tears , yelling , swearing and v loud volume and as funny as it could sound the 'bulging eyes' look when she is yelling particularly annoys me ? ! @Darcy  Can you please tag me in the difficult mothers thread too please ??  Family occasions seem to bring out the worst behaviour set she has and I could do with some tips too - sometimes avoidance is not possible and sometimes I find myself unsure how to navigate the uncomfortable conversations and situations that inevitably arise 

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

How are you going @Littletink_ ?

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Re: Feeling depressed and depleted

You sound like such an amazing person. It's hard when the damage to your loved one was way back. I have this experience too
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