Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Healandlove]

Oh @Shaz51 , I am sorry to hear about the loss if your mum 😢.  We are all here for you.

Please let me know how I can support you during this time. I hope your heart is at peace knowing you were there for your mum and loved her very much. She lives in you. Sending you hugs 🫂 my lovely friend and peace for your soul during this difficult time.

I am very sorry to hear Mr Shaz is having nightmares. My husband has them too due to his cptsd and it's distressing. I am so disheartened by medical teams when they don't listen to their patients.  Our mental health system is shot and it seems that the only organisations truly trying to do something to help are organisations like SANE...I really hope you get some answers or some type of resolution before things get worse for Mr Shaz. Will you continue to push his medical team to listen? What else can be done? Have they indicated whether the side effect will pass?

I'm glad your kidney is stable. Has your doctor advised how to counteract the weight gain due to insulin? Gentle exercise maybe with swimming? Swimming is also a great exercise for back pain. Be gentle with yourself and take time to decompress. 

Sending you lots of love and Healing hugs 🫂 🥰

[Shaz51]

thank you @Healandlove 😍

yes, we all know it is going to happen, but you never exactly know when. 

How are you going today my friend? 

the specialist has given my husband a script to help him sleep on top of his other meds, so see how that goes. 

did a 2-hour job this morning. 

then got my hair done as my cousin has organized a family lunch together on Saturday. 

going down for a flu injection this afternoon 

@Jynx , @PinkFlamingo , @RiverSeal , @lavenderhaze 

[Krishna]

My deepest sympathy @Shaz51 with the passing of your mum. So very sorry for your loss. ❤️🙏🌹

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 , I am glad to hear that you were somewhat prepared and that it wasn't unexpected.  Still doesn't make it easy.

Oh I really hope the new meds help Mr Shaz so you can both get a good sleep.  Keeping my fingers crossed!

I'm doing better today, thank you...saw my husband's psychologist and actually wrote a post about it. I tried tagging you but wasn't able to.  I'll go back and try again. 

Hair pampering is always nice! :ok_hand:.  Hope you are feeling well after the flu injection :syringe:. 

Family lunch on Saturday sounds lovely 😍. 

Sending you 🫂 hugs my lovely friend 🧡 

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Healandlove 🌺💜

im so sorry for the delay - have had a bit happening last few days 🙂

I read your post about what happened when you were a little one of 4 years old, and I just want to say how very sorry i am that your distress wasn’t seen as pain, and taken seriously; instead it was seen from everyone else’s point of view but yours 💜

this would happen to me very very often from a very young age also, and so I do very much understand how crushing it is to feel like your existence and feelings have no importance while the stress of waiting for the next event where you’re going to be the scapegoat eats away and you can never really relax and be yourself around those family members. 
even today I am ‘walked over’ because I still minimise my own distress for the sake of others, until it gets to the point of being enduringly unbearable and I feel like my life isn’t worth the paper it’s written on… however, there are things that I hold dear that I have created, that nobody else can take away, and that is  enduring resilience, ability to see good in myself, the depth of hope I hold for myself and others like me, and the wisdom that comes from learning hard lessons which empowers me to make excellent decisions about how I treat others. That includes boundaries, like what @Jynx  mentioned in their post 🙂🌺

you are such a wonderful, caring, patient, loving, and compassionate person whom I admire for what you have survived, but also for what you continue to provide to yourself, your husband and your kids in terms of support, love, and understanding 💜

some of that nurturing is what you deserve for yourself; that is what I read in your post..please save a little of the nurturing you freely give to everyone, to nurture your own heart 🙂🌺

you deserve it. 

I wish I could sit beside you and gently offer to hold your hand, to let you know how valued you are, from one human to another 🙂🌺 

Please remember you have lots of peeps here who care very much about your wellbeing, and I’m sure if we could there would be a massive group hug for you from all of us! 🤗🌺🤗🌺

you keep your chin up, and I hope you feel a little bit of the care and compassion through the screen that’s being sent your way 💜🦩🌺🙂

[Shaz51]

Thank you ❤️ @Krishna 

Soo nice to see 👀 you here , how are you going xx

[Healandlove]

@PinkFlamingo , thank you so much for taking the time to write.  I am sorry today is not a good day. Hopefully the weekend brings some rest, relaxation and healing. 🫂

I never thought I would say this about my childhood...but as I have grown older, learnt about trauma, become a parent and learnt about parenting...I guess my childhood wasn't as good as I thought. It was a bit lonely as my sister rarely played with me and we weren't given conflict resolution skills. How is it that I don't remember my parents hugging me? We kiss as a cultural greeting,  that's normal but i can't remember a single hug as a kid. I am sure i had them...but why can't i remember warm and fuzzy moments as a kid? I remember them hugging me at my uni graduation and wedding so why can't i remember it as a child? When my Dad disciplined us (tell us off over something) when we were kids he would say "lower your eyes when I am talking to you". It seemed like a sign of respect at the time but now I realise it's so wrong. I would never do that to my kids. And yet he has been a good Dad and progressed . He grew up with us. However,  somehow the last chat we had where he blamed me for my sister's rejection of me left a cut in my heart and it hurts. It really makes me not want to say anything anymore. My Mum, I used to be able to tell her everything and now I also feel silenced. I don't know what is happening with me but I can feel the distancing between us. Am I just turning into my husband and just protecting myself? I seem to be going into myself.  It's really weird and strange and the support network I though I had is crumbling. 

I hope this therapy for my husband works. I also read it may not be as effective for ptsd so that worries me but if he feels comfortable then it is not my place to tell him whether it is right or wrong.

The truth is, I feel as lonely as I did when I was a kid. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Thank you for your kind words and holding my hand. I too wish I could hug you and just cry my heart out. Love to you my friend ❤️

[Healandlove]

@PinkFlamingo , thank you so much my lovely friend. I actually answered this message in my other post with the update on my husband and his cptsd and therapist.

Sorry,  I'm getting my messages mixed up!

I think you have done a great job with your tools. I need to find the inner strength but I truly feel alone. It's a weird feeling.  I feel I am dissociating away from my family...and the only people that I still feel close to are my children.  I feel really big barriers going up around me. Maybe it is a sign that I had enough and I have lost faith. I am not sure. But it feels very unlike me. 😕 

I will start my own sessions with my psychologist again. 

I feel the love and compassion coming through the screen and I am so grateful.  Thank you so much for your time and kindness. 

I too wish I could do a massive e hug with you all.

❤️😘😘😘

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Healandlove,

I hope you don't mind me joining in, but your words really struck a chord with me. I'm going through a similar journey right now, reflecting on my childhood and how it's impacting me today.

It's quite a mix of emotions, isn't it? On the one hand, it's incredible to see how resilient we were as kids, but on the other hand, it's heartbreaking to realise that we were dealing with so much more than we should have.

I imagine becoming a parent definitely adds another layer to this reflection. It's like you're revisiting your own childhood with a magnifying glass, trying to make sense of it all while also navigating your own parenting journey.

Seeing our parents as flawed humans rather than infallible figures can be a tough pill to swallow. We start to understand that they were doing their best, but it doesn't always make sense, especially when we're in the midst of parenting ourselves.

Just know that you are not alone, and I hope this community makes you feel a little less lonely. ❤️

[Healandlove]

@lavenderhaze , thank you for your words. Of course I don't mind you checking in. 

Yes,  it's really hard. And I keep wondering what am I doing wrong as a parent that will impact my kids in the future?

Days like today weight heavily on me.

I'm sorry you had similar experiences as a kid. Like you said, we are not the only ones.

Thank you again for your support and kindness. ❤️