Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jynx]

Hey @Pem - I can relate to just how exhausting the constant masking can be. It really sucks that you have to keep it up all the time. Is there anyone with whom you feel safe to be able to be open about everything you're enduring? 

[Pem]

Hi @Jynx 

No there isnt really anyone i feel confortable opening up to. My best friend is struggling with mental health issues atm, so i feel bad opening up to her because i dont want her to be worrying about me. So i just make sure im there for her. 

I just dont like telling people what im going through because i feel like a burden and it feels like im complaining and making me seem ungrateful. 

[Jynx]

@Pem I can very much understand the feeling - it sounds like you care deeply about your friend and wouldn't want to stress her out! This is something I've come across in my own life too, I was very much a person who would keep everything locked away and bottled up, because I didn't want to add to my friends' stress. It ended up going very badly for me.... but it did also teach me that it is okay to rely on others, and that my problems were never as burdensome as I initially thought.

A couple of things were helpful in this realisation - first off, trying to put myself in my friends' shoes. I thought about times my friends had kept things from me, and how I'd always have preferred them to tell me so that I could offer support. Also, I find it very meaningful to be able to provide care and compassion to those I care about (so much so I ended up working in mental health!), so it helped me to take the plunge and open up to them and let them know I actually wasn't okay. 

Secondly, I got into the habit of checking in before I 'dump' my distress on them. Just a simple, "Hey, I have some stuff going on, but I wanted to check in with you first, to see if you have the energy to hold space, as I know you've already got stuff going on." Giving them the opportunity to say that they can't provide support right now, rather than just assuming that they can't, goes a long way in my experience. 

This is just a little bit of my story, you don't have to take any of it on board if it doesn't resonate with you and your circumstances! We humans are social creatures by nature, and in my experience, what is shareable is bearable. If talking to a friend about what's happening for you isn't an option, there's always plenty of helplines and mental health services out there too. 

[Healandlove]

@Jynx , that's beautiful!

@Pem i am so sorry you are going through this. To echo @Jynx words, it's so important to have an outlet.  Understanding our feelings help us understand how we can make things better in what's within our control. Easier said than done, I know. I am practising this myself every day. 

Know you are not alone and this is a beautiful and supportive community.  We have you! 

Hoping things are lighter today.

🫂 hugs and healing 💖 xx

[Shaz51]

Hello and hugs @Healandlove , @Pem 

How are you going today,  thinking of you lots 💗 

@PinkFlamingo 

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Pem @Healandlove @Jynx  and @Shaz51  🤗

It's really hard doing it alone while feeling like a burden isn't it. 

However, that isn't how its meant to be - we are here for you Pem, and I really liked what Jynx and Healandlove have written..very much agree xx

Big hugs for you 🤗💜