Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mummabear6]

MumNeedsHelp, your words leapt out at me, because you were describing MY 18 year old daugher!  For the past 4 years, we have been living with a very volitile, angry, beautiful girl who has reverted to substance abuse, (marijuana), self harm and unhealthy relationships.  She moved out of home last year to "live" with her boyfriend.  When they broke up and I had to go help her clean out her stuff, OMG!  It was a tip, the way the had been living.  The same applies to our daugher in that she is well liked and thought of highly with people she has worked with and for.  She has lost touch with her true friends and has no self esteem, self worth and often talks of suicide and feelings of depression.  I can't tell you the number of times we have had police and ambulance at our home, or the hours we have spent in ER's. I want you to know, perservere!!!  For 4 years we have gone through school councillors, HeadSpace, CAHMS teams, Psychriatrists, Psychologists to just be pushed from one professional to another.  After another stint at ER on Tuesday night, FINALLY someone is listening.  We have a diagnosis - Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and we have referrals for help.  It sounds like this might be your daughter too.  PUSH the GP to get her assessed, tell your daughter to let the professionals see what you see, this was my advise to my daughter when they took her to hospital this week.  This pain for your daughter is so hard, I know!  It leaves you feeling weak and raw and useless.  PERSERVERE!  We are at the start of our recovery and treatment (hopefully!) Most importantly, tell youself everyday, you are a GREAT mum, you will do and ARE doing everything to help your daughter get through whatever she is going through and make sure you look after YOU.  Be kind to yourself because you ARE a great mum or we wouldn't be reading your post.  Good luck and come back to the page often, I will be looking out for you to encourage and lift you up.  I stumbled onto this page tonight after speaking with the mental health unit in our area and YOU have given ME, the encouragement to PERSERVERE.  Thank you MumNeedsHelp and good luck XX

[Mummabear6]

Hi Elisabeth, we have had our diagnosis confirmed today for DPD for our 18 yo daughter. Happy to stay in touch as we know what hell you have been/going through. Would love to compare notes!!

[Historylover]

Several days work to finish the kitchen, @Anastasia but it could take considerably longer.  

[MumNeedsHelp]

@Mummabear6 wow! Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it more than you know.  This parenting thing can be a tough gig! 

We've never ended up in the ER (not yet anyway) but when she is in an emotional state she throws sentences at me like "I don't even want to be alive", "I wish I was dead", I think about being dead all the time" then follows up with "I won't actually do it though because I don't want to hurt myself" ..... those words are what made me seek out this site. The next day starts and she has calmed down,  tells me I'm overreacting to her words and to stop worrying! 

Right now we are in lockdown. She can't go to the pub which she would frequent,  which means she can't be around the people that trigger her bad choices and heavy drinking.  She's been eating well and exercising.  She looks healthier,  she sounds happy. I mentioned this to her last night and agreed she was happy . 

So now I feel calm and relaxed and my fears fade. But there's still that sense of "enjoy it while it lasts" as I'm always waiting for the next big drama. But now it feels like I've been overreacting and it's very confusing to me. 

Did you ever have those times? 

Your daughter is so lucky to have your support. I do feel like we will reach a point where our daughters will be living happy full lives and be the most amazing human beings partly due to their struggles ❤