Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[EternalFlower]

I find it really stigmatising personally but I am not a carer for someone with bpd I am just someone with a personality disorder

My abusive parents used that book to try and stigmatise me and it puts a lot of judgement as if bpd makes someone manipulative and difficult

I haven't read much that was helpful.about bpd

 Sorry I wandered here as this is more for carers but the bpd bookclub title seemed like it was open to people with bpd to engage, but the diauxssion seems more for carers of people with bpd. Maybe we can indicate that in the title so others like me don't come here 

[tyme]

I'm sorry that your family used the book against you @EternalFlower . That's so hard. I read it, and I didn't feel it helped me as a person with BPD. But I can certainly see how carers would thank god that they are not alone.

I also want to mention that it is ONE family's experience of BPD. All borderlines are different. Look at the 9 traits. You only need 5 to be diagnosed with BPD. The severity of these 5 traits differ from person to person. 

One borderline can look very different to another.

[EternalFlower]

hi @tyme @Chook_ 

hope you're doing well

thanks so much for saying that, it really helped me @tyme 

i do not currently have a DX of BPD from my long-term psychiatrist. He is sure I don't have it. he specialises in Personality Disorders. 

but i do have a personality disorder, just generally - I am sensitive to negative assumptions about BPD because they are so often incorrect. I saw a comment somewhere that living with BPD can feel like "the rug is always about to be pulled out from under you."

If a book helps someone and begins their learning curve its only a good thing.

But if it is read looking for reassons to blame the BPD sufferer, it can just justify their assupmtions. I have a personality disorder which  makes it hard sometimes to feel close to people but I do have some pretty good relationships and have for most of mhy life. I always had friends and they have remained consistent throughout my life. I recently had a tension with a friend of 20 years. I'm anxious people could see it through a BPD lens - of conflict- but its not that. We were friends since we were 15. And with very little problems. 

All people sometimes go through life and have relationships taht may become closer or at times distant - it's part of living. but for people with personality disorders i hope there is more compassion, as you said, its very different for every single individual.

[tyme]

So true @EternalFlower . With any person, we have to remember we are all individuals and cannot be packaged into a box. 

While going around looking for self-help books for BPD, as well as looking online for resources, I found that they often went into how 'bad' life was for a person with BPD. Yet in my head, I was always thinking, "So what do I do now?" I wanted answers - but I really didn't get much in terms of BPD or personality disorders in general.

I think this is why I do what I do. I'm here because I want to be a voice to those with BPD, those who are stigmatised, those who are seen as a 'case', and really work to advocate for them.

[Chook_]

@EternalFlower I am so sorry to hear what you have been through with your family, I love hearing from other carers and people with BPD so wouldn’t want to close off hearing advice/opinions around books etc in this post. I do absolutely agree that a lot that can be read anywhere in regards to BPD or personality disorders can be used to stigmatize people and could be used against them- it’s something my partner has worried about in telling people of his diagnosis- which is just terrible. I too wish people could learn about these things and have empathy / just try to understand. 
@tyme thanks again for your support on here.