Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[howdoihelp]

I have a friend who is going through the most terrible time in his life. He has deep depression, anxiety and says he thinks he's suffering PTSD. He often, over the last couple of weeks, says to me that he wants to die/harm himself. He refuses medication and won't even see a psychologist. He's quite against medication. Says his depression is "situational" and if his situation would improve then so would his mental health. But it's pretty hard for him to change his situation with the level of depression he is suffering. I am terrified that he is going to commit suicide. I am his only true support and friend with his small family all overseas and alot of friends have just disappeared. My question is: He often talks about killing himself but from what others that I've sought advice from say (friends and some health care professionals), is that if he's talking about it he probably won't do it. That it's the quiet ones, who say nothing and retreat, that commit suicide. But is that the case 100% of the time?? I'm guessing not but I need to know that if someone is talking about it - quite alot - are they really intending on going through with it? I am very hesitant to call for help, via a Mental Health Triage CAT team because they would probably put him into a psychiatirc ward - involuntarily. I've asked him if I can please call them and he said that would be hell for him and then he would defintiely try to commit suicide. He said he'd never ever talk to me again. I am prepared for him to hate me, if it means he lives but as I'm the ONLY person who is supporting and helping him, I don't want him to turn his back on me through anger, because he needs me. ANd I need him to be alive. Please help me. I am quite alone dealing with this too. His only carer, he doesn't live with me and I have my own life - working, kids etc. I'm trying to keep my own life together too but am bogged down with sadness for my friend.

[Former-Member]

Hi @howdoihelp and welcome to our forums.

You are in a tough situation with your friend and he sounds very depressed currently.

In reponse to your first question about suicidal talk, it certainly is a risk factor in suicide attempts and should be treated seriously. It may also be your friend's way of asking for help and expressing that he is overwhelmed by his stress and depression.

It's hard when he is resistant to getting support and treatment. He could try calling a helpline anonymously and having a chat with a counselor about how he is feeling. The 24hr services are Lifeline 13 11 14 and Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636. 

Have another go at sharing your concerns about his mental health and safety, and that you are prepared to help him find the right support services for him. Depression, anxiety & PTSD are treatable and medication is not always needed or effective. Would he be open to staying with you for a while until he is linked into services? What would improve his situation? What would be some reasons for living?

I hope this gives you some ideas to start with. Other members here will have their wisdom to offer also.

Best wishes for your friend's recovery,

Frog

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @howdoihelp

That's a really tough position to be in.  So glad you reached out here for support, because as someone helping to care for someone who is feeling so low, you need some support yourself .... you need to feel that you are not alone in this either ....

I don't know if this suggestion will work, but perhaps it's worth a try ....

Here is the webpage for Lifeline:

https://www.lifeline.org.au

The orange box at the top of the page is their email chat service.  Can you sit with him at a computer and walk through the steps, telling him you can stop and log out at any time, but you just want to try doing this together to see what anonymous support services are available to him .... ?  If you are sitting with him and typing in the answers he offers for him, it might start the ball rolling.

Depression brings inertia with it.  You know you need to make changes, but the energy drain affect your thinking, and even your willingness to move yourself physically towards help.  

See how you go .... this suggestion might not be what works, but it might help both of you to think outside the square you're in and bring another solution forward.

Take care.

🌷💜

[howdoihelp]

Thank you Frog. You are right - my friend is completely overwhelmed by his stress and depression. I am trying to get him to see a professional and will suggest Lifeline also. I guess I have been pushing the medication route with him a bit but I do understand that there are other avenues to explore but it's hard when he won't seek help himself. I have eased off a bit regarding medication as I know how against it he is and if there was another way that would definitely be better for him. He did stay with me for quite sometime but I had to ask him to leave. I am a single mother and it was causing too much distress for my children and me - bringing us all down. My children needed their haven back to normal. Getting him to leave was actually very traumatic for all of us as he refused to go. We know what would improve his situation but he has some significant hurdles ahead of him and does not have the strength to jump over them.

[howdoihelp]

Thank you for your advice. It is good to have people to "talk to". I really do feel like I need support too. I am a strong person but this is a very trying time and I feel like I could almost do with some counselling also! I will definitely take on your advice to get onto Lifeline together and use the chat service you have suggested. You are so right about the inertia. He knows he needs to make changes. fix certain things - if he does, his situation will improve - but he doesn't have the energy or will to do it. He wants to be happy but at the same time laying down to die would be easier - in his mind.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I understand @howdoihelp ..... and it is a very tough road .... there are many on the Lived Experi nice side of the forum who walk with si (suicidal ideation) often and it is clearly a real inner battle ....

btw - If you want to tag someone, as I have you, type your @ key immediately ahead of their user name.  On a pic or laptop it will give a drop-down box with recent users to choose from and click on to tag.

With your own family to care for, you are doing an amazing job with supporting your friend too.  My brother had major health issues resulting from an injury, but I was unable to have him live with us in that time of great need because it would have sunk our family ..... we couldn't cope with any more stress under our roof, and he and my hubby are at polar opposites on the spectrum .... oil and water ..... I so feel for you ❣