Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[smile]

Hi those who are willing to read this,

I've got a friend (who I have known since I was about 10!) who has BPD, Depression, Anxiety, Anorexia for the past 3-4 years and I'm not sure if there are anymore. But I've been finding it really tough the last year and a half. She's had multiple suicide attempts and self-harms.

The hospital has been not very good in providing her and her family with support, and I know her mum is getting really frustrated with them. They keep telling my friend's mum off for ringing up the ambulance when my friend is irrational and harmful. I feel really sorry for her family.

I send her texts, and visit her in hospital. But I know she's just finding it really hard with social anxiety. Are there any topics you think wouldn't be awkward to talk about on the phone? I don't want to seem like I'm oblivious or don't care, but I don't want to be really pushy either. You understand what I mean?

I'm trying to be the best friend that I can with keeping her respect. I love her so much, and I really try my best. I don't know how to care for her without making her worse.

I'd appreciate all the help I can get.

Love,

smile

[Appleblossom]

Hello @smile

I think it is a good idea .. to raise a range of conversation topics when you contact her... sometimes we need help and the focus on our needs and other times ... distraction is just the thing....as too much focus on it ... magnifies it.

Even ... the weather & sport .. complain about footie crowds ... she might laugh to know that a lot of people find the hordes on public transport a bit daunting .. or if she still follows footie from .. home .. keep her uptodate ... you know her best ... any things you have enjoyed together in the past is good .. with expectation to do more later when the time is right ....

sad to hear about the treatment her mum is getting ... from mh services ...

[vmainard40]

Good on you for standing by your friend. My brother has social anxiety and it makes putting him in hospital hard, Just keep being there for your friend. Some times just being there is the best thing you can do. I've spend count less nights sitting with my brother and said very little and he told be me later it helped him.

As for the hospital thing that's a really hard one. Sounds like you hospital don't want to care for your friend. As far as I know there is no limit on how many times you can call an ambulance out. The first thing you have to do is keep her safe and if getting her to hospital is it then you do by whatever means you have. I would think about filing a compliant to the hospital it's self.

[smile]

Hi @Appleblossom,

Thanks for your advice. We both don't follow the football really. But I guess following topics that are interesting but not too pushy right? I always find it hard to know when to talk about certain things.

Have a great day,

smile

[smile]

Hi @vmainard40
It's been really tough knowing what to say and when. Like a while ago, I know we just sat outside and fiddled with sticks with minor conversation for an hour.

I feel like I should complain to the hospital, maybe I can online? I'll see how that goes. I feel the same way. My friend should be able to use an ambulance when she's putting herself or others in danger. I got quite angry at how the hospital staff reacted to that.

Thanks so much for your advice!

Love,
smile

[Rosa]

Hi Smile

With a name like that how can you make things worse. The guilt that love ones feel during the darker days is a really natural response and I still struggle with it from time to time. Its worse for me whilst my love one is in hospital   What I find helpful is to wind back the memory to happier days. Do & feel things you did before. I try to place myself in thier shoes, it stops me feeling sorry for myself, and shakes up my enthusiams to conjure back feelings of happiness. Being happy is allowed & feel no judgement from others or yourself. 

MHU attitudes towards significant others in QLD & famaily can sometime seem rude & angry, because sometimes that is just how they are.  The complaints box  is there for a reason. I start the note words "I would like to suggest...". Whether the top of the chain take notice is irrelevant, all have the right to do so.Take you own pen 🙂  

So Smile please smile, just chilling out with a book or listening to a fav CD or sitting under a tree. Chill and know that love for yourself is a more comforting emotion to feel than melancoly, pity, or sadness. Your presence & big hugs would be a great support to mum as well. 

All the best and I encourage you to believe that  a happier future is a certainity. Your creation of it is a journey woth beginning.

[Alone]

  Hi Smile,

I noticed that you asked for topics that you could talk about on the phone, but just as a suggestion when you go to visit her could you take a jigsaw puzzle or something that you can do together to give you something to talk about?  As strange as it sounds, colouring in is something that gets tossed around as an easy activity to help people relax.  If she's in hospital you'd need to check with the nurses first to make sure they are okay with whatever you take in (no sharp pencils etc) but there are adult colouring in pages online that you can print out, or you can even buy adult colouring in books these days!

It'd take pressure off both of you to make conversation when you can just sit n colour etc together.  🙂 

Remember, she's still the same person its just that she is going through a tough time at the moment 🙂