Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[vtu993]

Hi
Problem is he refuses to do anything.
Would rather stay at home and smoke all day.
Dose anyone know a profesional group that will come to the house and help ....

[NikNik]

HI @vtu993

Welcome to the Forums - I'm glad you found us!

It might help other members of the forums to answer your question if you could share a little bit more about your son.

Has he seen a mental health professional before or engaged in any community service organisations? If so, what was his experience like?

Does he have a diagnosis had treatment for his smoking before? When you say smoking, do you mean cigarettes or cannabis? 

Sorry for all the questions  

[III]

Hi, I'm not one of the helpers here, but a mature aged young adult at home not doing anything except smoking does not allow anyone to attend your home to get him either out or to get him to do something.
Unless of course there are reasons for this ie There is any abuse or hardship to care for him etc.
The common way of setting rules in a home is by saying these are your duties to continue living here, if you are not interested here is the future date where I want you to leave and look after yourself (could be a month to the day say thereabouts).
As a parent you are not obliged by any law or society measure to put up with an adult sibling who lays around all day. You have the right to tell him/her to leave, and if they don't you can then ask the police to help you get them to leave.

Building a life for themselves sometimes needs to starts with a little push. Your life is as important as theirs or anyone elses.
If this matter is about mental health of the individual I'd somehow contact their support worker (ideally with your siblings ok) and let them know of your frustrations.

[tria]

Hi vtu993,

Motivation is a really hard thing to find at times. You sound like you would like to help your son and have been supportive by just being there. Did he ever enjoy a hobby or any conections with others any time in his life. There are programes that can come to the home, he would need to want  them to come. Some progams will get him out and about if he wanted too. Your GP is a good place to start and ask for a mental health plan. He may also be able to advise any programes in your area. I find having a google search and putting in mental health support in your area. There are also carers sites to support you as well if you are unable to motivate him to start with. I hope this helps step by step. You will find others will support you on the forums so keep posting.

Kindly Tria

[vtu993]

Hi
Thanks for your reply.
He has been diagnosed about 10 plus years ago and is still seeing a doctor every 3 to 4 months.

I can find groups and organizations that can help but it always boils down yo hes response. " NO I am fine. I don't need your help".

But he realy does. ...

He smokes tobacco cigarettes constantly.

There's nothing i can find that will motive him to do anything....

His doctor thought i should try forums like this..

[III]

Well hypochondria is a real illness, but does his fall under that banner?
Since you are caring for him all these years you're probably a bit hesitant to lose any carers financial support?
What type of help did your doctor intend you to have on these forums? A bit of chit chat possibly.
Maybe the best question to ask is how do YOU feel, have you any concerns you would like to discuss?

[happyrock]

Facing the same issue!  Son is 23 and has a diagnosis of ASD, severe anxiety and OCD.  He doesn't want to grow up.  Whenever we ask him to do anything he just scream in our face.  We did get the police out one early morning when he was hysterical about something and basically they told us there was nothing they could do as he was not a threat to himself or to us - dispite him having a hammer in his hand!!!!  So now we just take the crap from him.  So we too are lost of answers.  We did have a carer for 2 hours a week but stopped it when he began calling them him slaves. No longer seeing his psychiatrist due to the negative side effects of medication - he told us that he would not get any better and we should just go home and put on a granny flat...unable to accept this plus the side effects -  instead trying supplement therapy... at least he is not sleeping all day long and up all night!   What is there for people like our sons?Got to be an answer!!!!!!! Not prepared to give up the rest of my life but too scared to throw him out!

[Ceebubbles]

It is really easy to get into repeated behaviour. I have seen it in my kids and separated husband. The people we are caring for trully do know the first things we will react to, and indeed they work hard at it. This can happen in any relationship. Maybe give yourself a week or month to diary everytime you ask them to do something and indeed every responce. May show a pattern you can work with a psychologist for yourself give you some skills to in turn teach life skills. Please dont get me wrong it is never easy to either reevaluate our own behaviour or others around us without emotions but it has trully had amazing results with myself and my kids.

[vtu993]

Thanks
I give that a try.
Although his response is always "no I've got things to do..."

I get that diary going...

[pip]

vtu993. If you are scared of your son for physical reasons, threatened assault, constant verbal abuse, you could get him physically removed. Understandably, you have no wish to do that. Can I ask his age, is he over 21 or in that age bracket. If he has never worked due to inability to hold a job or obtain one, he' probably lost the incentive. Unsure where you live, but in Qld when someone is on any sort of pension disability, Newstart etc, they are required under c'link to report to an employment agency and either actively seek employment, or agree to at least 15 hours fortnightly voluntary work. does your son come under any of these circumstances? If he does and he is not fulfilling c'link's requirements, he stand a good chance of c'link revoking his pension. If he has been 'signed' off as unfit for work, perhaps it might be an idea to suggest he find something to do. Sitting smoking is unhealthy both for you and him. I have a son in his 40's if he behaved the same I'd pulling the rug and telling him 'shape up, or get out'. We love our kids, yes, but to watch them waste their life, no. Bottom line here, he is NOT fine and he DOES need help.