Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Louise

You are a wonderful wonderful parent. Wow. Exactly what I would have done. 

Still really dislike this from the responce team.....but know it is like it is. 

PP

[Louise]

Thanks for being so supportive @PeppiPatty xxx

[PeppiPatty]

How are you @Louise ?

hello from PeppiPatty.

[Louise]

Hello dear @PeppiPatty,

Thank you for asking! I am feeling run down with a bad cold. I think I am also a bit worn out with being so concerned about my son. I know there are plenty of people out there with much worse conditions at the moment, so I'm not complaining as such, but the uncertainty is getting to me. I mean, some days he seems almost better and I think he might be ok, then other days he seems so much worse and I am sure he will need help. It's so confusing!

He plans to look for work on a dairy farm. I pointed out that he would need to be able to drive. He thinks that he is fine to drive. I have tried to help him get a realistic perspective on his abilities at the moment. If he wants to drive, or to get work, he needs to be able to pay attention to whats going on around him and respond quickly. Unfortunately this morning he interpreted my words as just being critical of him rather than trying to help, and he basically said that his main problem is me. I found this hurtful, considering the fact that I am supporting him financially and emotionally atm. Unfortunately I raised my voice and suggested he move out then, if he's not happy here. Thankfully I didn't fully lose my temper, but I still regret saying that....because it could destabilise him and maybe actually lead him to move out even though he hasn't really got anywhere to go or any income.

Anyway, I went to work after that and now I'm home but he's not home yet. Hopefully he's ok.

How are you going??

[PeppiPatty]

DEar @Louise

Thanks for writing back.

It's okay, You have done nothing wrong. You are just tired and sometimes it blows up inside your head a little. You can make it out to be worse than it is. If you can, can you pick yourself up and forget what you have said.? If he says anything, Are you able to say: 

I'm sorry for what I said. I was tired and confused. If you want to talk about it later, it's okay but like I said, Im sorry, I didnt mean it. 

I( 've done so much worse. )

@Louise....this is your time. YOur most important thing to do is to find support that suits you. Whether it is in group talks in ARAFMI or writing here to find out what others do, seeing family and asking them for advise. 

YOu need to be tough. He can't drive @Louise. YOU are an amazing mother right now. It's not fair that this is happening. 

When I met my husband: he was very positive for me getting a much support as I can get. I joined ARAFMI...it might be called 'Helping Hands' now.....and went to group therapy once per week. Then through them, I met a wonderful wonderful group which fought State Laws in WEstern Australia who supported me, visited me. Invited me to go to meetings on new ways of caring for others who suffer times of mental ill health and OTHER unmet needs. 

PP

[Louise]

Dear @PeppiPatty

Thanks for staying in touch, it is helpful to have continuity

I was surprised: my son actually apologised to me! We have talked and he does understand that my comments were coming from a place of caring and concern rather than judgement and criticism. So I'm grateful for that.

He will be 19 on Monday...and naturally he wants me to trust that he is capable of forging his own way in life.

And he really does seem to be getting better.

He has a few plans for the next three weeks, then he says he'll be ready to get farm work. His father has said he can have the car key back when hes ready for work. And my son is happy with that. So hopefully over the next three weeks we will continue to see improvement and he might be safe to drive.

Who knows how it will turn out? We can only wait and see. Of course I pray that he will improve

Thanks again @PeppiPatty

How are things with you?

[PeppiPatty]

DEar @Louise

This is good of you to tell me and Thankyou. 

I am good. My husband has just come out of hospital. We went to highschool together and we remet when we were 42 year old. We have been married for 5 years......we is the absolute love of my life. He was diagnosed with Chronic PAranoid Schizphrenia when he was 21 years old and he was very angry because of this diagnosis for years. When he met me, the anger had basically left him.......but then, Mental health in WEstern Australia was very very bad those years. ( Still is) 

But all that anger is meaning that he quit drugs, alcohol when he met me......thats a different story and his body isnt coping with him not being able to totally quit smoking. 

I can only respond to you as a Mum who has a son who is 25 and at 20, had his first Psychosis. It was out of the blue, it was kickstarted with the breakup of a serious girlfriend and was going to happen anyway but.....phew. 

When you originally wrote, I was worried that I was writing too much to you !! I felt this.....oh, I just want to tell her...she has to be on it straight away ! Early intervention is so important for her son! 

You are so lucky that he has work on a farm.....

When My son had his first Psychosis....he is now 25 years old, my friend put....$1000 in my bank account and told me to get on the next airplane to care for him !!! 

My son lived in Queensland ( he went to live with me brother when he was 16 years old) 

It made the world of difference for him. 

I gotta get to work, Hoe we can talk soon, thanks again 

Pp 

[Louise]

Dear @PeppiPatty

I hope your husband is going ok now. It is lovely that you got to marry the love of your life! And great that you helped him quit alcohol and drugs. I really hope he can eventually quit cigarettes too.

You are right: early intervention is very important and helpful! I did quit my job when my son had his first psychotic episode, and I'm sure that he would not have recovered without my help! All I really had to do was make sure he took his medication and be there to listen and care. He did recover very well.

This time he's trying to recover without psychiatric help, and though I was very dubious at first, he actually does seem to be getting better. This bout of ill-health began about 2 months ago and I thought he would have been back in hospital by now but instead he has been getting better in a two-steps- forward-one-step-backwards kind of way.

My son does not have farm work...but he is hoping to get some. There are usually plenty of jobs available for fellas his age on dairy farms, so if they see how fit and strong he is they might give him a trial.

Can I ask what your 25 year old son is up to these days? Does he still struggle with mental illness?

Content/trigger warning

@Louise

[Louise]

Sorry I don't know what that spoiler is, it was an accident!

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Louise

How are you ? Is'nt it funny......when I write to you I dont want to to feel I know what you are going through because everyone is different. 

How are you tonight? I clean houses for elderly people as a job, I can't so anything too stressful. I also see and pay sometone  on writing a novel and do artwork and am fulltime carer for my husband. I keep busy. 

When I was writing this, It caused me to be a little emotional and so it finishes rather abruptly, just so I can get off and take care of myself. Thank you for asking this question though. When I'm answering it, it keeps me focused. 

I met my husband. He was very positive for me getting lots of support and I had gotten into a great group who were sending me to courses and information days on meeting people who soffered times of MI and OTHER unmet needs. They were supporting me all through this. I met them via ARAFMI ( 

So I'lle do a timetable on my oldest son's recovery and maybe you might get some ideas. 

2011: son saved money and went to Europe for 7 months. Surprisingly: he was contacting me telling me he was too scared to walk around. We messaged each other via facebook many times and I suggested that he opened up to his girlfriend. She had  had flown to England and was having a girl couple of months. She went straight to Spain and spent time with him.

2012: son told me of how much pot he was smoking. I was very concerned but could'nt get involved beacuse he was living on the other side of the country and also, he was over 18, 

middle of 2013: his house mates called me and were really scared of him. My friend put $1000 in my bank account and after telliing his hoousemates to get him to hospital, I got straight there.

I was not able to visit him too much because he was really ill but we had some good times. My support group back in PErth were available for me and I got a LOT of help over the phone. My son was asked to leave his home that where he was staying and we discussed that this might be good because they were all smoking a lot of green. 

2014: He had another bad Psychosis. He tried to quit but his new housemates coohersed him into smokiing green.  He was still smoking a lot of green. It was heartbreaking for me. This time, he chose to visit my Dad and he was severley burnt by my Dad. My Dad's boyfriend asked him to leave as soon as he got there. and he was left at my brother's home. When he got home, he rang me and I asked if I was allowed to visit him. I flew over straight away and spent a week with him. WE played backgammon while he tossed up whether he should quit smoking pot. 

WE got his medication and put it on the kitchen table. He chose not to use the medication and has been using illegal substances since to self medicate.

2015: Havent heard from him that much. I havent been able to afford to send him money or gifts because of my own situation......I speak to him rarely but when we do, we connect well. We are able to say to each other that we miss each other that for me is a good note. 

2016: hoping that we willl connect. I speak to my youngest son and we both try hard to keep in contact with him. 

I've noticed that when there is am illness, it weigh's on my thoughts.....

I need to do positive things for myself so I dont get swallowed up in it. It feels like I can't so much without being concerned about one of my sons because they both have seperate problems. I saved 500 and am depositing in my oldest sons account next week. He is the one who lives on the other side of Australia and get's Psychotic. 

As you can see, this is very different than what you are going through. 

It has shocked my family to the core on how unsupportive my Dad has been. He has completely cut contact with everyone. He had left my Mum in 1985 but he has been very much in our lives until my son went to visit him. 

My son is still not taking medication for PSychosis but he is seeing a charging Psychotherapist every fortnight who his GP was asking him to see. 

I'm so proud of him.