Lived Experience Forum

[Loz_3647]

I feel immense hopelessness and it gets so dark in my mind. I get fixated on it being the end and I can't shake it off. It scares me. I honestly don't know how I can turn this around. My mental health has deteriorated so much this last few weeks and it's only getting worse. I am lost. I am scared of it.  I have never felt such heaviness. It's like it has all been piled on and it doesn't stop. I honestly feel no hope for me anymore. It hurts. I can't go into details over my situation but just why. How the heck can I turn this around 😭😭😭 Do I go to the hospital and beg for help? Is that what they want? I am a victim of my own life....

[Kyle1]

hi @Loz_3647 I noticed you must have written this around 3am...

Feelings like these are painful and hard at the best of times. Doubly so at such a forlorn hour...

I am sorry to hear of this difficult situation.

Perhaps you do need to try go to the hospital for help... Is there anything that is stopping you trying that avenue?

As to the larger question: how do you turn it around? I'm not sure, sorry. I wish I knew how for myself! Just when I think I might be rounding a corner - nope. Wrong way. Go back!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Loz_3647 

I share with @Kyle1  Is there anything stopping you going to your GP or hospital?

It sounds like you are more affected the last two weeks, so this is a good start.

In the mean time it is good you are reaching out on this forum

I also note @Kyle1 noted you may have written yours at 3am

As far as sleepless nights go, I used to lay awake in bed and ask myself what was happening "at that moment" to keep me awake. It was usually my thoughts. Then I would think, everyone else will be rested tomorrow and I will be exhausted. That would make the next day harder.

So is there any actual threat to your safety?

Or as you also say, "I feel immense hopelessness and it gets so dark in my mind"  is it just your mind playing tricks?

What is triggering it?

You do not have to say because you only open up as much as you want. I can only chat about what worked for me. 

[Messylife]

I know this heaviness. The dark clouds that block the sun.
I guess we turn on auto pilot. Distract ourselves with work and chores. Today I struggle to get out of bed but alas I must. My job today is buy toilet paper! Yay. What a big life I have. NOT.

[Messylife]

Thanks for reaching out. All is not lost.

[Peter126]

Hi  things must be really tough for you right now hope you are ok if that is any concelation I really at this stage it might be worth seeing your GP can you talk about your mental health problems if so that would be really great remember it’s a start it’s hard but they are there to help or if you feel the need to go to hospital it’s also a good place to start this is one hell of a journey we care and hope you feel that as well

[Loz_3647]

I don't trust the hospital anymore. They have made is c.l.e.a.r that they won't help me (it's not that they can't, it's that they won't). I am not welcome there and it is sad because where else am I supposed to go. I try to handle things as best as I can, but I really can't help but see one way out. I am trying to stay away from that avenue but seriously, Ive looked everywhere....the more I try to look or even just let things be, the more hopelessness creates a void within me and it is consuming me

[Loz_3647]

I basically have borderline insomnia. When I get really stressed and depressed, I find it hard to sleep and can go 2-3 nights with zero sleep, otherwise it is very broken. I have been feeling like something really bad is going to happen and so that kept me up as I could feel anxiety and worry all over and I was so tense. I tried to relax as much as I could but I feel an urgency to stop the pain I am feeling.

I have previously shared in other posts about what my situation kind of looks like. I can't repeat it again. There is a lot in my life I can't address straight up as it affects everything and everyone so if I was to 'eliminate myself' then it all goes away

[hanami]

Hi @Loz_3647 

I've sent you an email. Can you please reply as soon as you can.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

[hanami]

Hi @Loz_3647 

I've sent you an email and mentioned so on your other post too.

Just going to add crisis supports here too for anyone who needs them

Hanami

x

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000