Lived Experience Forum

[Isa1]

Hi,

I joined this site in hopes of finding people who are able to relate to the things that I'm feeling.

I've been struggling a lot lately with expressing how I feel, I can't find the right words when trying to explain my emotions to friends and family, this often leads to fights and arguments. I want to be able to communicate properly but have always been told that it's best to keep things to myself. I don't know how to express how I'm feeling when I myself don't completely understand it, I think the best way to explain it is that I'm drained. I spend so much time comforting and supporting the people around me that my own thoughts and feelings are often pushed aside. I experience immense amounts of anxiety and depression but am unsure of how to seek help, I can't afford therapy or anything of the sorts. Im scared that I'm going to keep burning myself out, I want to live a happy and healthy life where I'm not afraid of expressing myself but I dot know where to start. I live with this constant fear that my feelings are invalid and that I've not experienced enough to feel all that I do.

Thank you to anyone that has any advice.

[MJG017]

I have similar frustrations with not being able to explain how i'm feeling because I'm still trying to work it out myself and it just makes it double frustrating.  For me talking to a psychologist, helped me sort through these unknowns a bit and has made it a bit easier to let people know how I'm feeling.

I know you said you can't afford therapy, and I totally understand that as the only way I started it was because it was free for me as a service through a cancer care centre at my local hospital.  But I also have a mental health care plan through my GP which gives me 10 subsidised psychology visits a year.  10 isn't much and it still costs me about $30 each visit for the gap but it's better than paying the whole amount.  I don't know if there are psychologists who bulk bill but that may mean you pay nothing... i'm not sure.  Other than that there are some places that offer free phone counseling services so I'm not sure if any of them would be suitable for you.

Other than that, I found it helped me to explain to my partner (when we were both frustrated with what was going on in my head and not being able to properly express it) was to just tell her I didn't really know what I needed and that I'd always kept stuff to myself and so that sort of started some real conversations and it helped me sort a few things out. 

Hopefully you have someone you can talk to who will listen and try to understand.  You also need to remember your feelings are never invalid and that keeping things to yourself just makes things worse.  I did that my whole life and it took me 50 years to realize the damage it did to me.  Now that I can no longer deal with everything myself anymore, it's been so hard to find that support but I was lucky I had someone who convinced me to seek some help.  It's all still a bit new to me still, so sorry I can offer more advice.

[Glisten]

@Isa1  Welcome to the Forum. It’s good that you are sharing your truth I think my friend @PinkFlamingo or @Jynx might have information.

I’m glad you are here. You can always tell us how you feel.

G

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @Isa1  and @MJG017 🙂

@Isa1 , I've had burnout twice and it's horrible. And your feelings are totally valid. 

You can ring SANE Helpline for advice also, on 1800-187-263 if you like. 

@MJG017  you gave great advice 🙂

@Isa1  and @MJG017  Also, an important forum tip to tag someone is to type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them.

I hope you both enjoy the forums. 

[bliffitygibbet]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, and even sorrier that you feel so isolated in going through this. I hope this forum and other online support can help you feel less alone.

There are community-based mental health supports available, although what help you can get will depend on where you live. I highly recommend you start by speaking to your GP, who can sort out a mental health plan that will give you access to subsidised support.

But there will be other options. Ask your GP if there are any other ways to get help. For example, in the ACT you can call Access Mental Health, and they can work out what kinds of help will suit you. I expect other states have similar services - an online search with the name of where you live might help.

There's also SANE itself. Get in touch, and they can set you up with free support. They're very understanding and they start with a call to talk about what's on your mind, how you're feeling, and what you would like to do.

I hope that's useful. There is help out there, and you don't have to feel like this without having compassionate, understanding people there to support you.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Isa1 @bliffitygibbet @MJG017 ,

For me, I found that I express my emotions and feelings better through writing. I guess that's why I'm hear. But I can see how this may not work if you are trying to tell your family.

What has helped me is that I use these forums to 'practice' sharing so that when it comes time to actually talk to people in real life, I've already gone through it on the forums.

I'm not very good at explaining myself and it occurred to me last night that I speak SUPER FAST, especially when I'm not confident.

I guess we all have room for improvement.

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Isa1  🙂🌺

thank you kindly @Glisten   for the tag 🤗🙌🏻

You are definitely in the right place in terms of others who know what it’s like to feel unheard, and we all support each other with validation, worth, and respect - just wanted to kindly start with that, so you know that here on the forum, you’re accepted and heard for who you are and where you’re at 🙂🌺💜

I have found that in the past having people deny my experiences and emotions was so hurtful, and essentially minimised my experience to the point that I felt nothing about me mattered. This resulted in feeling very depressed and anxious (I couldn’t do anything right) and having so very little worth. I lost sight of what I was feeling, how to express myself, and how to gain any boundaries to uphold my worth with anyone. 

I tried to work on the sensations in my body.. if I felt a certain way, what emotion is associated with that sensation? This helped at times to identify which emotion I was feeling… tremor and shake was anxiety, deep loss of motivation and heavy fatigue was depression, fast breathing and ready to run sensation was panic/fear, etc. 

I actually used an emotion + sensation wheel that helped to identify what was happening by giving examples of sensations that can be associated with different emotions 🙂

It sounds really hard having other people not hear you, and the hardest thing here is not having control over what others do, in terms of in a sense making them listen and not shut down what you need to say…but, the good thing is you have control over how you respond 🙂🌺

it can take time to learn how to respond in ways that support you in the situation, but it can be helpful 🌺

The other thing is taking time to nurture yourself and do things that give you the ‘filling up of your own cup’  - do you have any things you like to do that can help recharge you? 
otherwise the suggestions to get a Gp referral for cheaper sessions with a psychologist is really great if you have access to that, or SANE support services 🙂🌺

[OM108]

@Isa1 

welcome to the forum, happy to meet you here.

some great support already here in this thread. i wish to tell you that you are not alone and that your feelings and ideas are valid... and that your need to be seen and heard, is a need that every...single...one of us...has.

coming on this forum is a great start in practicing how to ask for support and be heard.

getting clear with yourself about your own needs and setting boundaries with others is another crucial step towards expressing yourself so that others can hear you. i found that when i was stuck in a stress response, i would overreact to what others said to me and my attempts to express how i felt would make everything worse. i realised that it was the tone of my voice activated by the stress response that would prevent others from even hearing what i wanted to say. instead of listening to my words, they were reacting to the energy of my dysregulated nervous system and also getting stressed.

stressed people cannot listen or communicate effectively!

over the years i have learnt to use daily routines to practice selfcare and regulate my nervous system. i am happy to share more with you about what i have tried.

[MJG017]

@BPDSurvivorI'm very much them same and I feel much more confident communicating through writing.  For me, I think it is that I can take my time, think about it more, edit, reread, edit some more, before I have to click 'send'.  Talking to someone I don't have that time and feel a lot of pressure to say something right away and then get scared it will be wrong or misunderstood etc, and I've always found it stressful.  Even with casual, friendly conversations.

[Asgard]

Hi @BPDSurvivor 

How are ye, I had to smile when you said that you speak super fast, its something I have been accused of many times, when people say that they can't understand me and then throw in an accent.  Loved that you said that you use writing to express yourself, again I said snap to myself, apart from having a dreadful stutter upto 26, writing is the only way I can really express how I feel.  I kept a journal during the bad times and I let the people who are closest to me read what I wrote, and finally they understood, it changed so many things for me.  I finally felt heard through the written word.  Thinking of you...........Asgard