Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tyme]

The power of words, isn't it @Shaz51 ?

We are always learning.

I was only listening to the news about the rebranding of the 'Weather Bureau' or 'BoM' to the "Bureau of meteorology"....doesn't make a difference to some, but makes a huge difference to others!

[Tootsy]

@Shaz51 thank you, yes I get the leaving suggestions and small suggestions! That’s a great idea, I’m still learning as only 4.5 years in on marriage but it’s def worse now than it was when married. @tyme I would much prefer to just be wife than carer, it’s not my preferred label but that what hubs calls me when I do wrong (which seems to be often lately).

[tyme]

Awwww @Tootsy . Sitting with you. 

[Shaz51]

Also too @Tootsy which I am know now that sometimes medications need adjusting over time 

My husband was only on anti depression meds and then anti anxiety meds and then change of meds after his hospital stay 

And my husband used to try  and go off his meds without telling me,  after a few day I would ask him " are you taking your meds"

And he would  say " how do you know ""

Amm !!!

@tyme 

[tyme]

Battle of the meds, eh? @Shaz51 . It's a hard one.

[Serenity2]

Hi there, my husband suffers with depression and anxiety, it's been really bad for the last 3 years, because he retired from work and has had a few changes in his life that he hasn't adjusted to very well.  He is willing to do whatever it takes to get better as he hates being like this, but the hardest thing we have found is finding a really good psychologist in the private sector that he can make a connection with and feels comfortable and listened to.  He has a good psychiatrist which I am thankful for, and the help we have had in the public system has been very supportive.  Yes I agree with the other wives, it does get very lonely when they are on a downward spiral, it feels like you are living with 2 different people. I just try and tell myself this will pass and remember the good times.  I would be so interested in a support group where we could meet up every fortnight or month just to share our experiences and help each other. I reach out to family and friends but sometimes they don't fully understand exactly what you are going through. It's hard to plan anything because you don't know how they are going to be. I just try and stay strong and believe in myself and know that I can't control everything. 

[hanami]

Hi there @Serenity2 

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's mental health issues. It must be so hard to see someone so dear to you suffering so much. I used to work in community mental health and supported a couple of men in his situation. They had retired from work and for different reasons had not adjusted well and 'fell' into anxiety and depression. I would also chat to their wives as it affects them so much as well (as you sure do know!). I used to ask them about how they are caring for themselves as it was something they would often forget with being so busy caring for their husbands. 

It's such a shame that your husband hasn't found a good psychologist he can connect with. Most of them also seem to have long waiting lists! I hope you can find support and connection here on the forums. 

I'm also wondering if you've had a look at Carer's Gateway which is a great resource that might be of benefit for you https://www.carergateway.gov.au/ 

I'll also tag a few of our lovely members who might be able to offer some support and wise words @Shaz51 @Determined @Krishna @tired_sisyphus 

Warmest wishes

Hanami

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Serenity2,

Welcome to the Forums, my name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. It sounds like you and your husband have been going through a tough time for a while now. 

I understand what you mean when you talk about finding a good psychologist that is a good fit for your husband. From my experience it is a bit of a trial and error to find a psychologist that works for a person - it's so important that anyone that sees a therapist feels safe, supported, understood, and not-judged. It can get a little discouraging trying to find a good fit but I would encourage your husband to keep trying til he finds the right one for him. 

Whilst I am not a wife caring for a husband around anxiety and depression I am an emotional support carer for a close family member that has a serious mental health issue so I do understand somewhat the rollercoaster ride you may be on as well and the loneliness you may feel around supporting someone you love.

I have attached a link to some information for you as being a carer can mean you may get a bit lost in it all too. What I mean by this is that whilst we are busy caring and worrying about our loved ones sometimes we forget we need support and care to support for carers.

I wish both you and your husband all the best. Keep reaching out and posting - we are here to support you.

Warm wishes, 

FloatingFeather

[Shaz51]

Hello @Serenity2 , 

Sending you lots of understanding hugs 

My husband does not have a psychologist any more

It is very hard to plan anything , yes I have had to cancel appointments and outings at the last minute many times 

My husband and I are self employed but we have cut back soo many times because of his mental health 

We don't have any friends and family do not fully understand 

Over the years I have learnt to lower my expectations which has helped and to except that these things will happen 

We have a thread called Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) to click on and have a look too 

What part does your husband does not like being retired?

Here for a chat , sitting with you 

@FloatingFeather , @hanami 

[hanami]

❤️❤️❤️ @Shaz51