Not coping with difficult housing situation

[john74]

Hello

Sorry I haven't been active for a while but still struggling in silence. As some may be aware I have struggled with long term depression / anxiety and social anxiety for most of my life, nearly 3 years ago my marriage suddenly ended  after years of abuse and non physical domestic violence, control mental and financial abuse due to my ex wife controlling my life. I have  had no contact with my adult children in nearly 3 years and lost my own father two months before the marriage ended.I  relocated back to my home town in regional Victoria. I am living in a modern 4 bedroom home but I have a young couple sharing using 2 of the 4 bedrooms second bathroom etc. The problem now is they are fighting amongst themselves more and more regularly which is setting me back mentally because i got out of an abusive relationship myself and its a big trigger point for me going backwards its difficult because I cant intrude in their personal business but I need to be in a happy , safe positive environment to aid my ongoing treatment etc. I just feel so awkward and dont know what to do i have concerns the neighbours will get sick of it and complain I cant afford to have my home in jeopardy I have been making a private note of each  occasion and have discussed it with my councillor but just not sure what to do,? 

[Appleblossom]

@john74 sorry you have dealt with coercive control in your marriage. Hearing you about managing personal living arrangements and finances.

When I was young I lived in many very high density environments, and was exposed to a lot of random anger by people all around me. Nope, it ain’t good for our own mental health. However, sometimes it is useful to understand how the stress of life emerges as interpersonal conflict, and not take it all personally. Anyway it can help in my reflection.

At some level, it may be worth saying something to the couple. Setting a boundary for them, especially if it is so bad you are worried about neighbours. If they need to fight it out, suggest they walk and talk it out in a park or get couples counseling. Whatever they are going through, or how you might feel sympathy for one or the other, your physical space is being invaded, so find a way that sits right for you, to do something. We never really know how our words or actions influence others…. When they grow older, whether or not they are still together … they may reflect….

I used to be very much silenced as everyone else was big and loud. I am learning to have a voice. I did find it better when my name was on the lease in share housing, as I had responsibilities and didn’t just cave in and comply with everyone.

take care 

🍏 

[john74]

@Appleblossom Thanks for your kind words. Things have deteriated again l got up earlier to make coffee he is asleep on the couch and l heard raised voices around 4 am. I am very concious of giving them space to resolve any conflict that comes from my own personal experiences. I did mention it to my mental health counsellor yesterday he said it wasn't helpful and just moniter it.l think the new neighbours  are disabled you ladies whom share a 3 bedroom home but are under supervision because it looks like carers or nurses are there all the time even at night and the disabled ladies are taken out on outins, shopping etc so they don't need crap coming from next door either.and l don't want them to end up complaining to the agent because l need stable housing. I live in Regional Victoria and the housing situation is worse than Melbourne as people relocate for different reasons. 

[Appleblossom]

Not an easy situation @john74 

yes, all manner of things can impact our feelings when we have come from distressing relationships. Hope neighbours can tolerate it and not complain.

take care 

🍎 

[john74]

@Appleblossom @ Hi Appleblossom  The housing issue chas potentially got worse as the member of the couple quit his job and her casual job has finished so exrpt he does some door dash neither of have an income. He also claims he is suffering mental health issues that caused him to quit his job. I don't need any of it the issues with them fighting and now potentially financial issues if they don't pay rent etc. My councelor is away on leave in Queensland lucky guy for 3 weeks.  

[Appleblossom]

@john74 @Had a few conversations about boundaries… porous to rigid. I have a feeling you have sensitive boundaries. Take negotiating your living situation. We can’t take on everyone’s responsibilities, even though we want to be decent human beings. Find the lines you need to preserve decency. The couple also needs some growing up to do. I hope they work through it all. Yep. Hearing you … there are a range of lifestyles. Not always a reflection of personal merit.

take care