Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Krishna]

Thanks @hanami for your reply. I’m fortunate that I have a very close relationship with my son, although he lives in another state. It’s my daughter who has estranged herself from me due in a lot of ways to her having schizophrenia. We’ve never had a massive argument or anything that would result in this, she simply won’t communicate with me or allow me to visit (she lives 3 hours away). I miss having my daughter in my life but over the years have learnt to live with this to a degree. Life’s too short and precious to be lived in sadness and suffering due to someone else’s actions, even when it’s your own flesh and blood. It hurts like no other pain but is what it is and I’m okay 🙏❤️

[Krishna]

Hey @Leeanne Keeping busy is good sometimes but there’s also times where you need to just sit with the hurt and have a good cry and let it all out. I have those days then pick myself up and get back into living my life knowing I can’t change my daughters mind/nature/actions. Life’s too short and I don’t want to live mine with constant sadness and suffering. 

[hanami]

Gosh, it's so sad. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[Leeanne]

@Krishna 

Thanks for sharing hope to keep in contact cause it's really helped know that I'm not the only one the children don't to talk too

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Leeanne 

There are sure to be other people. My daughter has been estranged for a long time, 15 years.   It has become more and more common. I sent gifts, money and emails for years, but she is doing very well, she told me she learned about cutting off one's parents online, and also had a compromising relationship with a teacher.

I joined a facebook for estranged parents once, and it was good at first to read other people's stories, but I have to be careful to keep my own mental health on an even keel, so left the group after a while.

I like @Krishna way of being calm and firm about letting go of guilt. 

Being involved in community actions has helped me.  Living for myself again after a long time of pain, physical and psychological.  I guess I am 'in recovery" now.  Feeling I still deserve a decent life no matter what.

Hope the forums help.

Apple

[Leeanne]

Hello @Appleblossom 

 Thank you for your reply . So have you reconnect with your daughter or are you still enstranged? I'm not all that strong at the moment, I find it hard to let go of the fact I though I did the right thing 22 years ago for my children

[Appleblossom]

I keep trying to reach out, but she is rigid in her stance.  @Leeanne I had to speak to her school about the teacher.  I spoke to her last year, but she was afraid I might make her success at work an issue.  She is doing very well for herself and not desiring to look at her relationship with her brother.  Our family constellation was complicated by an older half sister who was abusive to her from an early age, and serious mental illness issues and deaths in a number of different people. I lived in torture about the loss of my firstborn daughter for a long time and am only just able to let it go recently.  I have a little altar to her.  I was in abusive situations when I was pregnant with her and it did not get much better until I left her father15 years later.  I take consolation in her success, as I know I did the very best I could in dreadful circumstances, and some of that shines through in her talents and work ethic. Pushing myself on her is disruptive for both of us. I try for harm minimisation.  Moral judgments are difficult and usually not based in any real understanding of the full circumstances, socialising is tricky because of it.  I

[Appleblossom]

@Leeanne I do not think it is based on fairness, as such, or even what I did or did not do.  I arranged for daughters to have an overseas student exchange trip with a paternal aunt in America.  The expectations in family are overblown, but that is part of our complexity, with extreme poverty and extreme privilege.  Not sure what dynamics are in your story.  I have a lot of lovely moments with various other people's children.  I know my own children are missing out.  Maybe it is due to "parental alienation" by father. It is just the way it is.

[Leeanne]

@Appleblossom 

 This site has helped me,now I know that I'm not alone when it come to my children not talking 😊

[Appleblossom]

@Leeanne 

I am not sure of what the story is for this lady, but I find the content helpful.  Families are complicated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miLs1AfMrIY 

She has another vid which is about living well ... as we age ...