Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Helpful_Hinder]

Would anyone be able to tell me if severe anger is a symptom of BPD? My sister refuses to resign from a job that's not being very helpful towards her situation. She's had two bottles of wine since being discharged. The first bottle was giving into cravings and the second after having a very bad day at work. My advice for her would be to immediately resign since it's causing undue grief but then wonder whether that advice is seen as useful for someone with BPD. I'm having a hard time understanding why she's continued putting herself through work when it's causing such pain. Is it unusual for someone to relapse so soon from an alcohol adiction? Was wondering if anyone out there has any advice surrounding these topics. Thankyou 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Helpful_Hinder

Alcohol is a depressant, so yes would definitely trigger a relapse. My daughter has BPD and can use substance abuse also as an escape, as she is highly self destructive because of low self esteem. My daughter refuses to talk about her pain as she trusts no one so has not sought the counselling she needs. This is the huge problem - rather than deal with the pain and issues of low self esteem and talk about it, she will self destruct particularly with alcohol and with my daughter it can also be drugs. It would be a good help to your sister if you can encourage her to talk about her pain and to really listen. Just offloading and being really heard without judgement can help a sufferer.

Anger can be a symptom of many things, including BPD and mental illness. When suppressed inwards can trigger depression. It is also a symptom of acute stress. Does your sister undergo counselling? This is her first line of help - to try and talk to someone about her pain. The stress of work would be making this worse but not necessarily the cause. There would be deeper issues she needs to seek help for that she definitely is not coping with. If you can encourage this that would be a first big step towards your sister's healing. 

Loved ones can support, advise and offer love, but ultimately it is up to the sufferer to take the steps to help themselves. It's so hard to watch - I know of the heartbreak. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before they start climbing out of that black hole. Hope your sister does seek that help she needs. She is lucky to have such a loving sister.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Helpful_Hinder, how are you today

have been thinking of you , how you are ok

[Determined]

Hi @Helpful_Hinder and welcome,

My wife has bpd, thankfully she does not have an alcohol dependance. She also hides her feelings very well. So well infact I have often been seen as overly dramatic when raising concerns about her.  She recently had a suicide attempt only hours after meeting with our church pastor and concincing him shenwas fine and I was being paranoid. 

I dont quite know what to say or where I am goung with this but wanted to let you know you had been heard. BPD is tough . If any advice I wish I had been given along time ago and actually taken notice of is that boundaries are super important. Boundaries loving implimented and explained not just rules. I have only recently tried this with support of my councillor. I was expecting fireworks but so far jt has gone much better than expected and there have been some positive changes. We however have over 18 years of bad habits to reprogram so a lot of work ahead. 

Also super important to get adequate help and suport for yourself. I refused and ended up with burnout related health issues.

Also, bit hard to provide advice without knowing your sisters actual job situation but somthing I did after getting married was encourage my wife to not feel obliged to work. We moved town for my work so she had to leave her job anyway but I thought I was helping her because work was so tough for her. In reality not having to work gave her too much time to dwell on all of her anxieties which was not good for her overal mental health. In hindsight I wish I had enciuraged her to get a job and simply helped her to manage the stress. But that is for situation. 

Hope that was not too hard to follow, happy to answer any questions. 

D

[Former-Member]

Hello @Determined

Rather late so apologies for such a brief reply....might be a godsend for you...not one of my usual epic replies

I have major depression and trauma whatever..don't like labels...been unwell on and off for too much of my life...so moving forward is about trying to prepare myself for future hurdles...already knocking on my door 

I mentioned depression because it is A part of bpd.

work or not work is something that you feel has affected your wife..

mental illness is no different to life choices..decisions when thinking "if only".....

either way you have no way of knowing..

I was affected by bullying at work.....on sick leave I isolated myself........life circumstances brought my illness back...one after another after another...out of our control ...out of your control

you are with her...supporting her...believing in her...not giving up....exhausted yes...probably over it yes...love her yes....

she cannot expect any more from you

from someone who sits on both sides...you are doing a brilliant job and so relieved to hear that you are setting realistic boundaries and looking after you...

us folk with the mental illness want and need this for you too...we don't want to see you suffer..exhausted...that hurts us

thank you 

[Determined]

Thanks @Former-Member

[userexperience]

Cann't agree with you more.