Looking after ourselves
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ā26-09-2018 10:41 AM
ā26-09-2018 10:41 AM
Self-compassion
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ā26-09-2018 10:55 AM
ā26-09-2018 10:55 AM
Re: Self-compassion
IT's something I have trained myself to do, so that I do it automatically or as a first response to a bad episode. So for example, if something happens where it doesn't go according to plan - due to my own fault then rather than get really angry with myself and treat myself like a tyrant would, I forgive myself and just say "meh".
I think this has come about because over the years of my MH I have started to realise that having MH is "bad enough" so I don't need to be treating myself so badly. Why add fuel to the fire right? I think initially it was hard - because I was always angry at myself for not fulfilling goals, not doing well enough on uni assignments, not being able to find a stable job, not doing this, not doing that etc. But I found that self-compassion actually helped me to prioritize what was most important and then improve my MH.
I think that the quote you posted there is really important. "Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping" is another alternative I have heard. There is no point treating yourself like a slave, making horrible demands on yourself, demanding what's beyond possible. This is often coupled with the phrase "I SHOULD be doing xyz " but then realising that "should" can be replaced with "could".
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ā26-09-2018 10:57 AM
ā26-09-2018 10:57 AM
Re: Self-compassion
Self compassion to me is being able to show empathy towards myself as i would others and it is something i struggle with hugely! i find it both difficult and uncomfortable to try and do and even when others give compliments etc i still struggle to accept those comments too.
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ā26-09-2018 11:21 AM
ā26-09-2018 11:21 AM
Re: Self-compassion
I think 'shoulds' play a huge role in being self-critical. I'm constantly putting demands on myself ("I should be over it already", "I should be able to do..." etc.) that I wouldn't in a million expect of anyone else. While I can catch myself out with it sometimes and sometimes remind myself that its unreasonable and unnecessary, I still get tripped up with it and stuck in a should rut š Maybe time and practice at recognising and challenging it can help.
Great to hear self-compassion has also helped you prioritise what's important. I hadn't thought of that as being a possible benefit.
Thanks for replying @outlander and for your sharing too. I can relate to the difficulty you have accepting compliments. My inner self critic is rarely happy with anything I do and judges me much more harshly than others seem to!
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ā26-09-2018 11:26 AM
ā26-09-2018 11:26 AM
Re: Self-compassion
Hello @CheerBear
Yes a great subject...
When I worked with clients I always used the philosophy treat others as you would like to be treated yourself...
When someone is rude too me on the telephone usually call centre scenario....I have been known to say if moving further up the chain...ask them how they would feel if that was their mother or partner they were speaking to like that...
In a nutshell I know the concept very well..am an expert at discussing subject with others...
as in the word compassion...yes empathy...
with self...I find myself sometimes hearing an internal conversation....to be honest...I do not think that I am listening to myself though...perhaps an extension of the feeling I have always carried that I am not being listened to...
Thank you for reminding me...
I have started practising this exercise....
when guilt comes knocking on my door....the feelings seem to have to be allowed to be present and acknowledged..then the internal conversation can begin...
the question for me is how do I know that I am actually allowing myself to feel self compassion...
please keep tagging me ...I am very interested in this subject and reading of how others actually put this into practice...not from a self care action point of view...more from a thought process point of view...lastly how do they know if it is working?
cheers @CheerBear love your name
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ā26-09-2018 11:41 AM
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ā26-09-2018 12:58 PM
ā26-09-2018 12:58 PM
Re: Self-compassion
Great thread topic @CheerBear Will reply more fully when I have more time
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ā26-09-2018 01:03 PM
ā26-09-2018 01:03 PM
Re: Self-compassion
Thanks @CheerBear, will reply after as I am at the hospital with mum
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ā26-09-2018 03:20 PM
ā26-09-2018 03:20 PM
Re: Self-compassion
Self-compassion for me @CheerBear is about being as kind to myself as I am to others. I very much struggle with the former and don't always 'give myself a break' when I haven't achieved or done something that was expected. I definitely treat others with more compassion than I do myself. I think many of us are harder on ourselves than we are with others and that level of compassion and empathy we should try to extend to ourselves.
I am learning to be more compassionate with myself and that often means working out ways to 'let things go' that would have previously been a real issue for me - this includes allowing myself to feel and 'convince' myself that those feelings are not only warranted but necessary to move forward.
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ā26-09-2018 04:02 PM
ā26-09-2018 04:02 PM
Re: Self-compassion
I have been actively interested in therapies for a very long time, but self compassion is only something I have been consciously "working with" bit by bit in last few years.
Important points. @CheerBear
I had to sort out all the issues around narcissism, love and self love.