Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tyme]

Yes, if people only knew how little help you were getting, they may be thinking differently @Jenny88 

Please rest up. Hopefully you'll feel better soon.

We look forward to hearing how it goes.

[tyme]

Hey @Jenny88 ,

How are you going?

[Jenny88]

It's been awhile since I've replied but things haven't been great.

Mum has been drinking more and has had 2 falls where her face has been pretty bruised and scratched up.

Yesterday was her birthday. She went out and we shouted her Chinese for dinner but she found out a guy she has been sort of seeing is selling and leaving our town so today has been pretty horrible.

We were supposed to vote so we told her yesterday we would all go in at 9am which she agreed to. She came over drunk and had forgotten. She'd been drinking since the early hours.

I said I wasn't taking her in drunk and we would go in at 2. I asked her to please not drink anymore.

She came over at midday and had forgotten that conversation so I reminded her.

She came over at 2 and had kept drinking so we got in the car and didn't let her in and told her to find her own way.

She said "you always say I'm drunk. I just have a few drinks. I'm never drunk"

Meanwhile she's stumbling around and wasn't dressed properly.

We ended up doing some food shopping after because I didn't want to come home and deal with the guilt trips. She came over at 5:30 and asked if we could vote for her on the phone. She said she'd called a taxi to take her to the damn club but couldn't vote so ended up coming home... which makes no sense.

She ended up coming back and asked if we could do it online. We couldn't do either so she walked away and said "guess I'll pay a fine then". She'd also had more drinks by then so she's been on a 12 hour bender.

I'd like to think this will teach her a lesson but I'll probably end up paying the freaking fine anyway... I'll just take it out of the money I give her i guess.

I know she is bored and she is hurt but there was no way I was standing in line to vote with her while she's drunk... I gave her 2 chances.

We've just bought her a new smart tv as well and I really want to set it all up for her but I'm not going over there while she's hammered because I need to teach her how to use it as well.

I was hoping she could start streaming some shows to help with the boredom. She's not very good with technology so has been watching free to air so I don't blame her for being bored...

I still feel guilty though. And she won't learn from this. She'll just blame me.

She also keeps telling her friends that "you'd think you would be able to do what you want in your 70's but I still have to hide things from my daughter or I get in trouble". Tell them the whole story about how you start drinking at 5am. Not half of it and make me out to be someone who doesn't let you do anything or take you anywhere 😞

I'm just really over it... trying to remind myself I am not in the wrong here but I still feel terrible.

[tyme]

Hey @Jenny88 ,

That sounds so tough.

I'm sorry that things still haven't improved. The hardest part is that she doesn't recognise she has a drinking problem.

When she had the falls, did she go to hospital? I'm hoping she can get someone else to tell her that there's an issue. 

Do you think she's content with continuing her life the way she's going? 

It sounds like a really stressful time on everyone.

How are you and your own family? Your child?

[Eve7]

Hi @Jenny88 , I am so sorry you are having to deal with this every day. I grew up with an alcoholic father who drank into his 70’s until getting cancer and dying.

I do understand the trauma you are facing so please continue to unload on here whenever necessary, I have no easy answers but I will always listen.

❤️❤️❤️

[tyme]

That's so heartfelt @Eve7 , thank you for sharing. 

@Jenny88 , we are thinking about you. Hope you are okay. 

There are some things we just can't change. Hence it's so important to look after yourself and your little one.

[Jenny88]

Thank you @Eve7  x

It's really heart breaking because she was never like this when I was younger... I had a great childhood and now that I have my own daughter, I reminisce alot about how mum and i did so many things together. Little things like share a milkshake and doughnuts. But she refuses to get help for her trauma and she's a completely different person now. Definitely not the woman who raised me 😞

When I first moved back home after her seizure, I thought we could do mother daughter things. I said we could go out for coffee and go to the hairdressers together. Go clothes shopping. Stuff like that But she straight up said to me she wasn't interested and it really hurt me. She just wants to sit at home and drink too much.

I feel like I'm the parent and by her getting a fine I was hoping she would learn something but she's just mad at me. We've barely spoken in a week and in her eyes, I'm the one in the wrong. Nothing is ever her fault. It's always someone else's.

I'll admit I'm no saint either. After my father passed away, I drank way too much as well but I got help and worked on healing myself. I still don't mind a few drinks every now and then but not like mum.

Noone has any suggestions, unfortunately. But thank you all for listening

I'm sorry you had to go through this also with your father 💜

[tyme]

Hugs @Jenny88 .

She sounds like one special person, but the alcohol has taken over.

Would she be open to you sharing what you miss about your real mum?

[Jenny88]

Thank you @tyme 

I'll be ok. Just working on my boundaries and myself. It's just a crappy, sad situation. But I'm realising I can't fix it so just trying my best to adapt and do what I can.

My daughter and partner are definitely my first priority.

On a positive note, my partner finishes shift work tonight and has a new normal job so will be home every weekend and night. I'm excited for us to begin a new chapter and have more routine in our lives. (He was working 12 hour shifts and changed between day and night so I've been alone alot with our little one)

Thank you again for listening

[tyme]

We're here for you @Jenny88 .

Enjoy every moment with your little one - and your hubbie 🙂