Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

[Former-Member]

[Former-Member]

[Former-Member]

[Determined]

@Former-Member 

Like this list. 

The 'letting go' is the bit I have the most  trouble with. 

[Former-Member]

Trust has been an issue for me  @Determined but I have come to a level of peace having let go of things that are not mine to bear.

[Determined]

I just had a discussion about this with my counsellor @Former-Member  and on reflection (for our situation/ me) letting go and trust are closely linked. (Need trust in order to let go). 

[Pearl146]

Hi @Gemma20, interesting to hear you say we can be afraid to set boundaries. I am afraid to set boundaries because if my 20 year old son with bipolar broke them and we had to tell him to move out, where would he go? On a disability pension and no savings... what other consequences can there be as an option for breaking boundaries? He is currently in hospital for the 4th pschosis due to not taking medication regularly and we are wondering whether living at home should be on the condition he takes medication and has counseling regularly.

[Whitehawk]

Hi @Pearl146 

Sorry to butt in but if you add an @ before Gemma20 or any other member's name they will get a notification that you have mentioned tham in your posts (like I have done for you.)

cheers

Whitehawk

[Gemma20]

Hi @Pearl146 

It's a bit of a catch 22 situation as not setting bounderies can lead to a  child not taking responsibility for their mental health knowing all too well they don't need to step-up anf grow up as Mum and Dad will catch them and take whatever behaviour they throw at them. It can become a bad habit and toxic cycle for all involved.

Always remember that people who take their meds and take responsibility can lead a full life with  bi-polar disorder. Can you talk to the hospital as to what support services are available for adults living independantly?. Afterall he will eventually want to leave home.

I feared the same as you but had little choice when I was close to breaking point and my younger daughter was traumatised. I spoke to a psychologist who kept me strong re bounderies. My daughter has returned home and has so much  more appreciation for her family and respect for our bounderies. Goes to headspace regularly and when she's having a bad day or two chooses to stay at friends. Our relationship is so much better.   There is no easy answer but if what you are doing is not working and causing a breakdown within the family things need to change.  My daughter resented me for mollycodling her too as she said she's an adult and she said I treated her like a baby. Having no consequences when they lash out and for them not  taking their meds or seeking counselling I learnt is actually stunting their growth/independence. They become so dependent on us which is not healthy. 

We want to encourage them to eventually  become self reliant re their mental health, afterall we will not be here forever to take care of them. We can love them and support them but in the end their mental health is their responsibility not ours. Hope this helps and that you can find some additional support services available to assist your son lead a productive life. Take care.