Struggling

[imalittleteapot]

Hi everyone, I haven't visited for a while because life has been busy since my adult son moved in with me over a year ago. I'm really proud of the great progress he's making but I'm at my wits end.

Today he exploded and told me I 'do nothing' for him. Honestly I'm exhausted from everything I do for him! I have no life left at all.

I'm feeling so hurt by the nasty things he said (just vile and completely untrue) but I don't know how to defend myself without making things worse. He has schizoaffective disorder.

Any ideas?

[Ru-bee]

Hi @imalittleteapot 

I'm sorry to hear that your son isn't able to see all that you're doing for him at the moment. Hearing that would be really hurtful, even though you know it's not true.

Do you have any supports for yourself at the moment? I hear that your son has been making progress, which is great, but it's important to ensure you're also being supported through this as it sounds like you've taken on a major caring role here. I'll leave some info on supports for carers here if that would be helpful for you to check out.

[defaultusername]

Hi @imalittleteapot,

Thank you for sharing, and I am very sorry that you're going through what sounds like a very difficult situation with your son.

That's lovely that you are so proud of your son's progress, despite his recent treatment of you. You do not deserve to be spoken to like that, and I can understand why you feel so exhausted.

I can relate quite a bit, as I have had to live in quite a similar situation to you and things are improving (slowly). But as mentioned by @Ru-bee, I do think that we need to put ourselves and our needs first at times. Especially when we feel so drained.

When things are bad, do you have any existing coping strategies and/or supports that you can reach out to?

I highly recommend Relationships Australia (https://www.relationships.org.au/), as they have been a big help and are an affordable option for family counselling.

Another option being 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) - https://www.1800respect.org.au/ who can be contacted 24/7 and via phone, text, online chat or video chat from 9am - 5pm Monday to Friday.

And regarding some support for you as a carer of someone with a mental illness here is a list of all the national support service providers https://www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au/about-us/our-members/ if you are interested in some carer support.

I hope things improve for you and that you can find the support that you need and know that we are here for you.

Hope to hear from you again,

Take care.