06-11-2019 10:40 PM
I have a big fear my 20 year old son will make a girl pregnant. I don't want to prevent him the joy of a having a family down the road but deep down he's really not up to it. He is a borderline IQ of 80 and has extreme OCD where he has been hospitalised. He's done very well recently thank goodness but he still takes medicine. He was a twin and I had a difficult birth so I think thats what caused the intellectual disabilty. He has brothers and sisters who are ok so I don't think it's genetic. As far as the OCD he was severely bullied at school and since and he witnessed some very scary as a kid. I don't want to say in case it upsets someone but it took him months with a psychologist to get over it. Do any of you have experience with your children or advice on what to do? I have bipolar 1 disorder and epilepsy and I think having to look after a little kid at my age would be very difficult. I didn't know I had bipolar until after my last son was born.
07-11-2019 02:55 AM
@Sweet_cheeks Hi Sweet_cheeks I get where you are at. My son2 has a iq of 70ish (although he is autistic and it is hard to give autistic people iq tests). He doesnt want children thank god and his dad has been talking to him about protecting himself against an unwanted pregnancy. It would be the worst thing for him to have a baby. Worst thing for the baby too.
In fact none of my other two children want children (again thank god again) I am not the grandmotherly sort and I think they are both terrified they could end up with an autistic child after dealing with son2 all throughout their lives.
Reversing a vasectomy is very hard to do sucessfully. So dont worry. I have schizoaffective disorder and would find it impossible to look after a child. I am just not interested.
I would be honest and open about the responsibility and costs involved in having a child and that would most likely put your son off. I hope my little bit helps. Take care. Love peaxxx
12-11-2019 02:39 AM
@greenpea Thanks for responding. I think having a disabled kid has a domino effect on the others. My son is quite sexually charged up. He tried to go to a brothel recently but he had no money, which is probably a good thing. He went out with A disabled woman who was almost 10 years older than him. She just wanted to be like her sister and have a baby.
My son is a gentle sweet young man and would like children but he is better off as an uncle but I don't want it to stop him having a sex life and hopefully a life partner. I'll talk to my husband about the vasectomy. I guess its elective surgery. We'll have to talk to him about it. It'll be hard. He has talked about having a family one day.
Anyway I hope things are peaceful for you at the moment. You have a lot on your plate and you are here helping people. you are great.
12-11-2019 05:48 AM
@Sweet_cheeks Hi Sweet_cheeks thank you for your kind words they mean alot to me . That is a hard situation that you are in particularly if he wants kids!!!! thankfully my son2 doesnt want children and is not sexually hyper I think because of the medication he is on. I dont envy you at all it will be a hard conversation to have with him and at the end of the day it will be up to him .... please keep me posted as to how it goes. I really wish you and your family well. Love peaxxx
12-11-2019 04:04 PM
Hey there @Sweet_cheeks Thanks for opening up such an important topic, I can see @greenpea has already given you some great insight and advice We're always here to listen as a community, many members can certainly empathise the complexities of being a carer especially when you're on a journey with your own mental health symptoms. You're a very strong and insightful person
Just wanted to add in addition to our forums, feel free to give the SANE Helpcentre a call (they do webchat too!), they may have some strategies or potentially referrals in regards to your son. The helpline's staffed by qualified counsellors and is open from 10am-10pm weekdays, the number is 1800 18 7263. Speak soon @Sweet_cheeks
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