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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

WA. Thanks
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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

@SoS 

NSW Health gives this carer information

For mental health carers:
https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/mentalhealth/services/carers/Pages/support.aspx

General carer information:
https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/carers/Pages/resources.aspx

 

I had dedicated mental health carer support through Wellways (this is separate to the Carer Gateway)

 

https://www.wellways.org/understanding-mental-health/i-am-family-member-friend-or-carer

There are services offered through the Carer Gateway through these organisations.

NSW 1
Central and Eastern Sydney
Northern Sydney
Western Sydney

The Benevolent Society Northside Community Forum Ltd
https://www.benevolent.org.au/services-and-programs/support-for-carers

NSW 2
Nepean Blue Mountains
South Western Sydney

Wellways Australia
https://www.wellways.org/

Note: Wellways offer free mental health carer support by way of carer education for other regions 

NSW 3
South Eastern NSW
Western NSW
Murrumbidgee

Livebetter Services Ltd
https://livebetter.org.au/

NSW 4
Hunter New England and Central Coast
North Coast
Carers NSW Ltd
http://www.carersnsw.org.au

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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

Hi @greenpea @SoS @Alma @Darcy 

Appreciate the caring words, it really does help to simply be heard. 

I also believe my daughter needs hospital &/or therapeutic program & then supported accommodation. 

I have been to Carers WA before & personally have found Helping Minds a better fit, for me that is. Have assistance from a carer advocate for the case management meeting next week, am feeling nervous & so sad right now. 

I recognise it's the illness that has the behaviours & people have to be ready to do the healing - that doesn't change that I'm no longer able to hold the space for her while there is so much denial, resistance & self destructive habits. 

I'm so praying for a positive outcome from the meeting, that she gets a structured support system in place & we can begin to work on our relationship. I'm not giving up on her, but change is needed & definitely don't want her out on her own! She needs lots more people in her life. I have also experienced MI & it is a long road, recovery from the conditions my daughter has is very possible. 

@Alma - Carers have rights too, make enquiries about that with a local carers organisation. Pretty hard to support someone if you have no involvement in the treatment. 

Gratitude x

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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

@FindingStrength 

 

The WA Government gives this listing of mental health carer support

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.nmahsmh.health.wa.gov.au/community/d...

 

They also have this information in relation to residential services for mental health

https://www.mhc.wa.gov.au/getting-help/residential-services-for-mental-health/

 

The Carer Gateway services are provided through:

Carers WA
https://www.carerswa.asn.au/

who partnered with

Helping minds
https://helpingminds.org.au/services/

 

This might also be of interest to you:

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.chiefpsychiatrist.wa.gov.au/wp-cont...

 

 

 

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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

Hi @FindingStrength 

 

Your post really touches me - I have been in a similar situation with my son who was in his teens and I had to learn to use Tough Love and this isn't easy

 

My then-h and I joined Families Anonymous - you can find out if there is a chapter near you on the internet - and we did learn to tell him his choices and follow through - it was hard

 

I had to make the choice about having my son put into foster care - he could not live with my then-h and I could not manage him alone - it was a hard and unpopular choice but all these years later I do not feel guilty and you should not either - your daughter seems really unhappy and yet there is a diffierence between emotions and behaviour and this is something that needs to be worked on which is why you do need support

 

Unfortunately I have to tell you this - when we joined Families Anonymous we were told some of these children die and alas - our son did - and this has been very hard - our marriage was not a happy one and this drove us apart which was for the best

 

But I hope that if you can learn to apply Tough Love then it might work out for you and your daughter will be better - which could happen - but at least you need to have time out at least - I know from experience how hard it is to live with a child who seems to know no boundaries and I do feel for you - deeply

 

I wish you the best knowing that is hard to find

 

Dec

 

Tough Love

Families Anonymous - both of these are found on the internet

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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

Hi there @Dec Thank you for sharing your story, it takes a lot of strength to be so raw and honest with the community about what sounds like a very painful experience. How are you travelling now? Our community is here to listen Heart If yourself or anyone in this thread needs, the SANE Help Centre is also available for a chat via this link.

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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

Thanks @nashy 

 

I am okay now  - I have been through a testing time and my son's anniversary was about three weeks ago. I had a pain management procedure on my shoulder last week which seems to be working which feels like a miracle and I am much better 

 

I have learned throughout decades of a tough life that has been worth living  - challenges teach strong lessons and I have learned not just to survive but to thrive  - to make worthwhile decisions and to trust myself. It is my vision to pass my experience on to others to enable and empower growth in mental health 

 

It seems to be my purpose  - I have a small platform and for this I am grateful  - this week I will be rebuilding my health and organising my affairs 

 

Many thanks for your post  - at times I really feel the soul-injury of my son's short life and tragic death but I have learned so much   - most of us are able to endure far more than we imagine 

 

Dec🦉😷

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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

Hi @Dec & thank you so much for your message, I've also read the response from Nashy & your reply - I recognise the courage & resilience you have. 

I had to process what you shared about your son not surviving as this is a very real element with this kind of condition. Its a possibility that I've had to contemplate several times & I haven't quite come to terms with yet - if one even can. 

Things have improved a little in the last couple of weeks, my girl is re-engaging with friends & activities & I'm even seeing glimpses of the real her again. Alternative living is being investigated & another case management meeting scheduled soon. 

I didn't find a Fam Anon group for my area but will look further into Tough Love. I have been connected with Helping Minds & BPD Aust for a while & did the family connections course, although that was affected by the social distancing etc.

This journey is certainly growing me & somehow I've made it through moments when I felt I couldn't go on & found more strength from inside. The words/actions & sentiments of people around me have often come right when needed most & I'm trying to be grateful for as much as possible, often. 

Thanks again & I really acknowledge your strength of heart & mind in finding a path through such a painful experience. Maybe you're assistance with others is a beautiful memorial to your son. 

Take good care. 

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Re: When is it ok to refuse to keep supporting?

Thanks for your response and feedback @FindingStrength  - that is always good to have

 

One thing we have to realise at times is that your children can have conditions that are above our parent-grade to deal with. We need help from people who we assume know better - and it is hard to ask for - hard to get heard - hard help to get and all the time there seems to be an effort to force it back onto us and this is far from helpful

 

We adopted our son - and this made for problems in the nature side of the nuture nature argument - and we can never know with any accuracy what he came into the world with. He was formally diagnosed with ADHD and subliminal brain damage - I think that is something very hard to diagnose and through later years a very well qualified psychologist gave me a most-mortem diagnosis of BPD which was late in the day but certainly explained a lot of his behaviour. He was also an alcoholic or at least demonstrate behaviours of becoming one and I certainly read in your description of your daughter's life that you are experiencing despair and need help that is unavailable. It's as if they think you are trying to get out of parenting her when you are wrung out with years of battling with something you have no knowledge about and this has to be exhausting.

 

I know you would do anything you could for your daughter. It has been a struggle for you for years now and you ask what ever happened to your sweet little girl. She is an adult now however and it is time for her to become responsible for her own actions and to learn the difference between emotions and behaviour. This is not something we come into the world knowing

 

If you are unable to find a chapter of Families Anonymous near where you live you can use the support we are able to give here - this is a peer support forum - none of us are experts - we have learned all we have from experience and already know now judgmental society can be

 

I am glad to hear that your daughter is expressing some improvment recently and re-engaging with  friends and services. Also - courage and resilience come through time - strengthened by our love for our children and the successes we do have through time and effort - and we can definitely grow as people through such difficulties that are never pleasant

 

Thanks again for your thoughtful post - I have had the chance to use my past to assist others with their battles - knowing this does seem to help other people helps me with the soul- injury of the loss of my son - there are some people who resist therapy and test love to the limit but this is not a reflection on us as their parents - it is a testament to their story and their sorrow

 

Dec

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