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Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Hello and hugs @eskimos , @Determined , @Trauma_Scars , @BPDSurvivor , @Eve7 

Sitting  with you my friends 

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Thank you @Shaz51 

 

Hope your evening goes well.

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Hello @eskimos i read your posts and really feel for you. Hang onto hope. Your experiences are a bit. over my head (because i'm fairly sure. that my husband knows i love him )so as i share my thoughts they may need confirmation by someone in forum who is more experienced or trained than me. Would it be appropriate to assure someone of our love, acknowledge it is hard for people to feel love when they are sick but just as children are taught to say thank you, all relationships need a little appreciation

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

I understand what you mean, we are doing exactly the same, however, that condition is unloading a lot of hate on me and this is thought to cope sometimes. And my wife thinks that I do not love her if I do not agree with her or comply with her orders, even when I say that out loud. But I still understand that this is kind of not her only that condition.

I have some experience with my MS, I rejected it first, denial, grief and finally accept and start recover to that level that I have lost 20kg (for purpose), become as fit as possible with my physical limitation (I can swim 600m only with my hands). I am sure that kind of process is probably needed for her as well. She read about it and rejected it, oh well first step done.

 

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Hello Determined, i like what ypu said about yr family having come a long way in the positive sense : ))

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Hi @Determined ,  I read your threat, I am happy that you manage this very well, I wish I would be that strong. 

What pointed my attention is boundaries, that is what I am trying to establish but without success, at least now.

She is still thinking that I am a crazy person, I do not accept her feelings, etc. 

Children are giving her quite a bit of love they hug her, thanks for everything (a bit excessive but why not).

She at east finally enrolled in to the first part of DBT. It will cost our whole savings but it is what it is, I am willing to make it just to try.

I, unfortunately, developed some health problems as every time to speak to her have heart palpitation, sweating, stress. My mental health is bad, I reckon I am going to depression. Positive that is that stage according to the book which I am reading (Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life), which is necessary to move on. I have MS stress just killing me after last her outburst  I stopped walking for two days. This does difficult. I have found only one thought which keeps me going. Children are big, son at least seems to recover and hope to move on with life. I need to kind of separate from my wife I developed resentment feelings and this is not good. We tried a couple of therapy but before she gets any better is worthless. 

I have some sessions with SANE counselor which is great.

I will keep posting.

 

 

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Some update.

 

Finally, my wife decided to go to DBP first module (12 sessions), great, I wrote it probably, but my brain is so messed up just to be sure.

In a meantime, many many small thongs happening all the time, to the level that our daughter stepped in and is using STOP to make the thing not blow out completely. My daughter has psychologist help as well.

Just to sum up I have two councilors to help me (one with my son's problems, one for myself to deal with my wife)

My son has psychologist, my daughter recently as well.

Just to put to perspective on BP/NP made the whole family reasonable healthy completely sick. This is really not right I reckon. We all tried to collude with my wife to make her "happy" that now we are all unhappy. Just think about it it.  

 

Anyway, my son came back from the internship and is finally getting better much better, thanks to him finally cut his unhealthy ties with mum who made him a caretaker and bad person because he did not listen to her sometimes.

He is a brilliant boy very polite and quiet, and I feel like shit that allowed that happened, but MS struck at me and things were too blurry for me. My son's mental health issues were wake-up calls, and nearly was too late, I just still struggle to comprehend what could happen. Fortunately, my father's heart was good enough to give him unconditional love which he lucked from mather (I did not expect that her brain is not capable of such a thing).

He is going to move out next year as he got a job offer so he will finish the study and of he takes off. I did not equip him with any fathers preaching 😉 so I hope he will be alright, I am always here for him as long as I breathe. 

 

I am freaking out now about my daughter now, but she is more aware fingers cross.

 

In regards to my wife, I am kind of completely empty, weird feeling. I do not have anger towards her, (only to myself that not picked up that something really wrong earlier), more like pity how this sick woman made so far only to hold to myself, but she drained all my energy out in the process.

 

My brain is screaming run for your life mate. Kids nearly grown-ups, a good moment to rethink what I want, what I need, who am I, as I lost myself completely, I was so focused on her, but always it was that I did bad or not good enough. 

 

Oh well, I would like to be alone I am too tired now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Some update.

 

My wife decided to go to DBP first module (12 sessions), great. However:

 

In a meantime, many many small things happening all the time, to the level that our daughter stepped in and is using STOP to make the thing not blow out completely. My daughter has psychologist help as well.

Just to sum up I have two councilors to help me (one with my son's problems, one for myself to deal with my wife)

My son has psychologist, my daughter recently as well.

Let's put to perspective one BP/NP made the whole family reasonably healthy people completely sick. This is really not right I reckon. We all tried to collude with my wife to make her "happy" that now we are all unhappy. Just think about it it.  

 

Anyway, my son came back from the internship and is finally getting better much better, thanks to God he cut his unhealthy ties with mum who made him a bad person because he did not listen to her sometimes.

He is a brilliant boy very polite and quiet, and I feel like shit that allowed that happened, but MS struck at me and things were too blurry. I have the burden to carry till the end of my life with his words. "I want to finish my life I don't want to suffer any longer" Sorry maybe I shouldn't publish that inappropriate please remove my post.

However, he is going to move out next year as he got a job offer after a successful internship so he will finish the study and of takes off. That is a really great thing, but I still got guilt that I did not equip him with any fathers preaching 😉 so I hope he will be alright, I am always here for him as long as I breathe. 

 

I am freaking out about my daughter now, but she is more aware and has a psychologist so fingers crossed.

 

In regards to my wife, I am kind of completely empty, weird feeling. I do not have anger towards her, (only to myself that not picked up that something really wrong earlier), more like pity how this poor sick woman made so far only to hold to myself, but she probably suck out all my energy.

My brain is screaming run for your life. Kids nearly grown-ups, good moment to rethink what I want, what I need.

 

Now I like to be alone I am too tired.

 

 

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Hi @eskimos 

 

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to support your kids and ensure that your family has access to as much support as possible. There's lots you that are juggling at the same time 💜

 

You've mentioned that you have a counsellor and have also been speaking with the SANE counselling team, and I am glad to hear you have support while you explore what your next steps will be. All of us here are around to be a listening ear when you need it too- sitting with you @eskimos 

Re: My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

Hi All,

 

After some time of absolute mayhem, I reckon I am deciding to make the nuclear option as I can't handle those things any longer (25 years of marriage to a mentally ill person is enough). This is everything on me, I came from a dysfunctional family (father was narcissistic and alcoholic, mum had MS-like myself). And I ended up similarly. 

The funny things are everybody is saying nice words, you juggle a lot, I understand, etc. But the decision is what I need to make and live with it. 

SANE counsellor wrote me an email that she forgot about my one of 6th phone consultation, that is really supporting;-(.

 

So yeah I will finally be the bad guy as my mentally ill wife wanted to portray for kids, I am bad, I treat her bad, and I do love her only for sex. So let it be. Maybe one day children forgive me maybe not, she never as she does not understand which is absolutely devastating. 

 

I am not strong enough like other members here who are doing all those things to safe and live together. 

I called to Menshelp line and at least they explained to me clearly that couple therapy did not work for us as my wife is mentally ill not because I am that bad. 

 

Anyway, I will try to post something more but that is not going to be pretty so...

 

Cheers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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