Lived Experience Forum

[Lemonjuice]

@Former-Member  I know what you mean, cause I am in a similar situation.  There are times when I feel and think this isn't true, I must have created the whole thing and other times it feels very real.  I think this is because we expect that it should look like it does on movies, ie, States of Tara...really extreme, with total amnesia between alters, etc.  Then I got to thinking that there are milder versions of bipolar, schizophrenia, etc, why not with DID, where it can be very extreme and obvious, to barely noticeable and occuring only when there is a lot of stress.  Also, the level of amnesia, it could be mild to extreme cognitively or/and emotionally.  And then, DID is a creative way to deal with trauma, why does there have to be one way of arranging alters, the trauma experience. Maybe for some it was better to have complete splits, with no general host, for others, several alters acting as hosts together and others where it's one alter at a time.  For me, it's like a level fluid on the surface and it changes colour when a lower level breakes into that surface level and changes back but there is very rare times where the two levels swapped position.  So, I am D, but I don't switch with J, J just 'flavours' D and talks through her.  We coukd switch but it would take a lot of effort and the right situation.  Does that sound similar to you?

[Former-Member]

@Lemonjuice 

Thank you so much. Yes it's sounds like me. Wow, it's never been explained that way before. I am feeling a great sense of relief right now and can't thank you enough. 💖

[Lemonjuice]

@Former-Member  oh, cool.  I'm glad you feel better about it.  Do you have a therapist?

[Former-Member]

@Lemonjuice, I have an amazing counsellor, but I am not so sure about my psychologist. I have been seeing her on and off for the past 10+ years and just do t feel like it's really helping at all. Because one of my alters has been extremely suicidal in the past 2 months I finally agreed to look for a psychiatrist and maybe a new psychologist. My counsellor has a mental health background but wants to build a strong support team for me. 

[Lemonjuice]

@Former-Member lol, are you sure you're not one of my alters!  Me too!  I have a wonderful counsellor but she's part of a charity group, so it's unsteady, in the sense she can't see me more often, if I gain employment or money, I can't see her through them, etc.  So, she started asking me to locate people where I could build a team around me and to get an assessment from a psychiatrist.  Something I thought couldn't happen, has.  In a two month period, I found a gp with knowledge of trauma issues, a psychiatrist who specializes in dissociation, a private hospital who specializes in dissociation, academics, etc.  Up until then, I wasn't aware they existed.  I obviously can't share the details, but I think it would be ok to look up the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation ISSTD.  They have a list of specialists in the field of trauma-dissociation.  They also have educational stuff, research, conferences, videos, etc, if you become a member.

[Former-Member]

@Lemonjuice 

Lol, maybe 😂 My counsellor is private and not that expensive thank goodness. I seem to be there about 3 times a week. Thanks for the tip I will look them up tomorrow.  

It terrifies me to be honest, it took my husband (ex) nearly 2 months to get me to see the counsellor that I have now. 

[Lemonjuice]

@Former-Member  I know that fear too.  Take it slowly, one day at a time, one piece of information at a time.  I think you have a curious mind and hey, after all you've been through, after ten years of this, I bet there's a part of you that just wants to know how to fix this and get on with life.  No rush.

[Former-Member]

Yes, I just want it over. Nightmares haven't stop, flashbacks are murder and even though my ex has said different I think the stress of dealing with it is one of the reasons my marriage failed. Thank you again. It has helped so much being able to chat with you. 

[Lemonjuice]

@Former-Member hi, I am happy that I was able to help in any way.  If you ever want to chat again, let me know.

[Former-Member]

Hey @Lemonjuice , 

I had the best appointment with my counsellor today. Thanks to how you explained your view on DID made so much sense to me and opened up new conversations with her. Thanks again💖