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Something’s not right

Lemonjuice
Senior Contributor

Maybe I do have DID.

Hi, 

Something has happened to me over the last couple of days.  I know I saw my counsellor on Monday, I know I have seen two psychiatrists in the last month, I know I travelled on a plane. I know intellectually that these things happened, but they all feel like a dream.  It feels like it's been about a month, maybe over a months since I last saw my counsellor.  You know feeling you have when you wake up from a dream, you remember it, but you know it was a dream and parts of it are missing.  That's what this feels like.  The thing is I do recall the events, dreamy or not, about the last month or so...this is why I didn't think I had DID, but now, I am thinking, before this weekend, I hadn't even noticed that things would fade, I just thought I had really bad memory.  All the things that were happening during that time, the feelings, thoughts, etc, seem foreign to me now.  For example, there was this obsession with going to a private hospital to do a program on trauma. I don't know what that was all about cause I am not interested, in the shrink who runs it or the program.  And the counsellor wants us to see a new psychiatrist with expertise with DID, I don't want to go.  I'm pretty strong, I don't need help, even my/our counsellor is just to get over this stressful period.  There's no need for therapy, it's not like they can fix anything...upteenth therapist...:face_with_rolling_eyes:. The truth is, is that life is bloody hard, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going, focus on one day at a time, that's all.  Still, how did I not notice these experiences...is it possible that I do have maybe a mild case of it, cause I don't black out, just time gets distorted. I don't know, stuff it, I am too old to be carrying on like this.

20 REPLIES 20
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

@Lemonjuice 

 

You are not "carrying on" at all. I hear you but I am on the other side. I was diagnosed 10+ years ago and am now questioning it. 

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

@Former-Member  when and if you want to say what happened, I would like to hear about it.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

Hi @Lemonjuice 

 

I am not sure where to even start. I have never spoken with anyone that has DID before and didn't know how to ask here if someone would talk to me about it. 

I have been reading through posts here by others that have DID and questioning mine.  I don't seem to present anything close really to what everyone describes. 

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

@Former-Member maybe it would help if you started by saying what symptoms are worrying you. 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

@Lemonjuice 

 

I do lose time, but I can hear and see what is happening like I am watching a film. There is only a hand full of times since the diagnosis where I can't remember what has happened  

 

My "alters" are just me at different ages and they all have names. I have always had an imaginary friend called Nikki from as young as I can remember and have been told she is my protector. I don't understand that at all. 

My kids don't notice any difference in me when it's not me around and my ex said it's because even when it's my inner child in front of the children I sound no different but to him I am a three yr or whatever age. 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

@Lemonjuice 

 

I feel like I am living a lie. Maybe my stepmom is right and I am an attention seeking brat who doesn't want to take responsibility for her life and mistakes 

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

@Former-Member what is it that makes you think that you might not have DID? 

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

@Former-Member maybe, we put your stepmother to one side for now.  She's wrong but for now let's ignore her.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Maybe I do have DID.

I just feel like it's all made up. I listen to myself and feeling like it's all a huge game of pretend. When I get stressed I turn into someone else, when I get overwhelmed I am someone else and when I am craving attention I turn into a child. When my husband (ex) is around inner child is very active. It just doesn't seem real to me anymore. 

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