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purple_leaf
Casual Contributor

How to support someone who doesn't think they need it

Hi members, 

 

First time posting here. I hope this message finds you all safe and as well as can be. 

 

I'm in need of advice and guidance on how to help my older brother (late twenties) who needs mental health support but is in denial that anything is wrong. 

At this stage my family members and friends have encouraged him to go and seek help from a psychologist but he denies the need and refuses to go. 

 

Over the last 3 years he has completely changed. His behaviour is immature and child-like at times and unpredictable in nature (often shouting or yelling or making crude jokes in public). 

He is making irrational decisions (from impulse buying fish and fish tanks to applying to multiple different courses but not seeing them through) which have significantly affected him financially. 

 

Socially, he has isolated himself from all of our friends. When we were still hanging out together, he would stare, make inappropriate jokes and behave in odd ways making others uncomfortable. 

 

Fortunately he is still living at home and my parents are very willing to care and provide for him, but I can see it is taking a toll on them and their relationship with him. They are in arguments almost daily and my brother is verbally abusive towards them. 

 

Basic conversations with him are difficult to engage in as he will always go off on tangents, turn it into a lecture and most of the time completely contradict his original point. 

 

For someone that used to be my closest mate who I knew better than anyone, I now can't trust anything he says and honestly feel I have lost my brother. 

 

I know diagnoses is not definitive, particularly on this platform, but he has definitely demonstrated signs and symptoms of a few mental health conditions. Here are some of the signs I have noticed: 

- Mood swings (excited and illogical vs defensive and irritable) 

- Depressive stage 2020-2021

- Loss of interest in activities

- Impulsive behaviour (buying unnecessary things and enrolling in courses before considering future implications) 

- Highly irritable 

- Rapid speaking and seems to have racing thoughts 

- Reduced sleep, averages 4 hours a night (he told me)

- Forgets past discussions or actions 

He needs help and I feel we are running out of options to get him that help. I feel like it's a waiting game for him to either realise he isn't okay or for things to escalate dramatically. 

 

How do you help someone who is absolutely adamant that they do not need it. 

 

Any advice would be appreciated greatly. 

 

Thank you in advance. 

 

6 REPLIES 6

Re: How to support someone who doesn't think they need it

Hi @purple_leaf,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. Please know that you have found a safe space with many caring members from a range of lived experiences.

I'm sorry to read about what your brother and your family are going through. It must be concerning for you all. 

It's a tricky situation around getting your brother assessed. From what I understand if a person is an adult and does not want to seek medical care they are not legally bound too. I think only in extreme circumstances they can be assessed against their will but this can be very difficult and traumatic from what I have read.

I understand this situation would extremely frustrating and worrying for you particularly when you can see someone you love acting in ways that seem in contrast to their past typical behaviours. As you said the Forums are not a place for diagnosing or second guessing what is going on with you brother but perhaps other members have some insight around how to help your brother.

Are you able to speak to the last GP that treated your brother? Perhaps you could have a chat around what is happening and if your brother goes to see that GP (maybe for an unrelated reason) the GP could engage your brother in conversation around this. At least that way the GP would have a heads up.

I really feel for all of you as a close family member of mine has a serious mental health issues (diagnosed about 20 years ago) so I understand your concern. I also understand your concerns around the others in your family as it can be confronting and concerning for all involved.

It's a tough place to be in and it is sad because your brother may be missing out of the help, treatment and understanding that he needs.

Here is a link around trying to get help for those who resist, hopefully it will be of some use https://www.sane.org/spotlight-on/families-carers/when-you-think-someone-needs-help.

I have also linked in (at the bottom of this post) a list of our wonderful community guides that may be able to offer some advice around this.

On an aside, if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

I wish you, your brother and your family all the best.

Warm Regards,

FloatingFeather

@Anastasia  @AussieRecharger  @BPDSurvivor  @Faith-and-Hope  @HenryX  @jem80  @Judi9877  @NatureLover  @outlander  @Shaz51  @ShiningStar  @Snowie  @Hams  @wellwellwellnez  @Zoe7  @Aniela  @Boo13  @CrazyChick  @maddison  @pinklollipop15  @Eve7 

Re: How to support someone who doesn't think they need it

@purple_leafwelcome to the forum and thank you for posting. I hope @FloatingFeather's detailed post has helped.

 

I'm sorry to hear what's going on with your brother. You're right, diagnosis isn't definitive in all instances. I support a loved one who doesn't have (or want) a diagnosis, also resistant to any therapeutic intervention. Can definitely empathise that it's hard to know who to turn to. The helplessness is real.

 

I found these forums supportive. I hope you get something out of the good folks here.

Re: How to support someone who doesn't think they need it

Hey @FloatingFeather , 

 

Thank you so much for your warm welcome and response - really do appreciate it. 

 

In terms of the medical assessment, what you mentioned is what I also understood from the research I have done. As an adult he has full autonomy regarding mental assessment unless is posed as a threat to others. In this circumstance we have the CAT team number ready for any dangerous behaviours or plan to call 000. 

It's really hard that these are what feels like the only options we have in this situation. 

 

Regarding his GP, he hasn't been in years and has some controversial opinions about doctors recently. My parents have reached out to family friend who is a doctor but I don't think they have articulated the full extent of his behaviours and the doctor brought it down to being stressed about work. 

 

Thank you immensely for your ongoing support. 

Re: How to support someone who doesn't think they need it

Thank you so much for the support, really glad to hear you have found these forums a positive experience.
Your response is deeply appreciated and I hope all is as well as can be in your situation.

Re: How to support someone who doesn't think they need it

Hi @purple_leaf,

I understand what you are saying and agree with you. The options around getting someone help around their mental health can be limited and challenging if they don't want / don't believe they need help.

Please keep reaching out when you need to. I hope just knowing that other people have also come up against these types of challenges before will help you to at least feel like you are not alone in this. 

Hopefully with time and support your brother will come around to at least being open to having a discussion around this.  

Sending you best wishes and understanding. 

FloatingFeather

Re: How to support someone who doesn't think they need it

I’m so sorry for what you’re experiencing. It’s so similar to my daughter, like exactly the same that I’m so grateful that you shared.
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