Caring for an aging mother with BPD - narcissistic traits

[Sonny1]

Hi. Just needing a little support. I moved back home last January to help care for my aging parents. In June last year my father passed away. I am now just caring full time for my mother. She has a personality disorder- I’m suspecting BPD with narcissistic traits. She’s been like this my whole life. It’s becoming really hard in the last month or so. Constantly arguing with me. Very nasty towards me, everything’s my fault. Whinging. I’m tired and exhausted and it’s just becoming hard. I have little or no time to myself. She’s been like it my whole life, but as an adult I could move out. I don’t have that option at the moment. We did have a carer coming twice a week for me to have respite but she was always late and I could never book anything for myself and was causing more stress. I’ve just pulled back all our activities and taking it easy for a little while til I feel a bit better. Thank you. 

[Eva3]

Hi Sonny1, i just joined this forum and saw your message. I totally understand how you feel as i care for my daughter with BPD and other neurodiverse conditions. The constant criticism, blaming, anger, aggresive reactions, being called names and never doing something right although all you do is looking after them is challenging, frustrating and tiring . Isolation as carer is real and not having time for self care too. I so feel with you and wanted to say that you are not alone. I am looking at the moment at ways to get help through a support worker agency but i am aware that its a financial burden. Maybe there are free community services near you? I hope you can find a support service near you so you can start to look after yourself. Wishing you all the best. Your fellow carer Eva3

[Sonny1]

Thank you @Eva3  sometimes it’s nice to just be validated. I’m so sorry that you are going through this too. I hope that you find some downtime from the constant caring. Thanks again. Take care. 

[tisme]

Hi 

I cared for a mother who was bipolar and I suspect narcissistic, as well as other family members, the only time I get to myself is if i go to hospital three family members I cared for are now gone but I still have an autistic daughter.its only recently Ive started to hit the wall over all of it.  Thinking back over the years of it all I cant really offer any solutions but I do have some understanding of what your going through  maybe you could start a journal and write all your feelings down

[Sonny1]

Thank you for understanding. That’s incredible caring for 3 family members. I take my hat off to you and puts things into perspective. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it.