I've gone through alot of truma and huge life changing experiences such as (short version) drug addict
parents who couldn't look after me, living in a poor family where there was literally no hot water, electricity and bare minimum of food, 3 years of sexual assault from foster parents, looking after my siblings at the age of 10, residential care, moving every few weeks to each home BC no one wanted me or my siblings, being bullied everyday at school, self harm, multiple cases of attempted suicide, growing up smoking ice to build a wall to block those emotions, not feeling welcome so I ran away for 4 and a half months to look after a friend BC she was kicked out of her abusive foster home, no money no support no family no friends except the one who has become my sister. Selling my body to older men at the age of 15 to have places to stay so she could shower and eat at least 4 times a week. Changing how I look every couple of months so DHHS and police can't find me when I go missing. Being scared to turn out just like my parents and not be able to support my own family one day. Scared to turn out like a failure but yet still I smoke that Ice and weed because I have nothing and no one I can truely trust. I can't cry or show emotions in front of people BC I literally can't, my body doesn't let me. As soon as a topic that's emotional for me comes up I switch off my emotions so I can't feel anything. I have to act tough and be the bigger person because my one friend relays on me and although she tells me I can be upset and cry in front of her I can't.
