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Grace91
New Contributor

My mum has no insight into her mental health

Hi, I'm a little overwhelmed on where to start with my story but my mum is living with mental health and unfortunately has no insight into her mental health.

 

This is hard to navigate because she isn't receiving the help and support she needs because she doesn't recognize her mental health. I believe my mum has Borderline Personality Disorder, I don't know if she has been diagnosed however myself, my siblings and other family members have recognized from years of lived experience that things my mum does and says echoes everything that BPD outlines. 

 

One of the hardest things is that both my other siblings no longer have a relationship with my mum, this is because her 'episodes' as I call them result in her saying and doing some very disturbing and hurtful things and unfortunately it has reached a point where they and their families do not want to maintain a relationship with her. It has now been a number of years since they have both spoken to her. In addition to this other family members have stopped contact aswell. I know this may seem strange to some people but I do understand why they have made that decision and I hold no resentment towards them for it.

 

I love my mum so much, but its very hard, and now because I'm the only family relationship she has left I experience the brunt of her episodes more than ever. It's becoming very overwhelming and I feel like its never going to get better. I have tried a number of times to speak to my mum about her mental health in a very supportive manner and its only made things worse. My mum lives 1400km away and I only see her maybe once a year as I live in a very isolated town which is expensive and hard to travel from and to where she is located. On top of that I feel she is isolating herself more and more and seems to be withdrawing from things that she once enjoyed. Last time I visited her she wouldn't leave the house other than the supermarket and her self care seemed to have changed.

 

There's alot of other complex layers to this story that would take longer to explain but, my mum is looking at moving to where I am located, which I'm sure would be beneficial to her health, but on the other hand Im very very anxious and stressed as I have a hard time navigating her mental health episodes from a distance so not sure what it will be like in close proximity. I know that sounds really selfish but it usually only takes a few days with my mum for her mood, emotions and personality to dramatically shift. The truth is, I'm scared. I haven't lived near my mum since I was 13 and I'm now 29. Every week is a rollercoaster and I'm trying to be the best daughter I can be amongst the wave that hits every week or so. This wave from mum includes paranoid ideation, delusions, impulsive spending, a random influx of calls and messages which are often disjointed and disturbing, manipulation especially regarding physical health, verbal abuse..to name a few. When my mum is in this state her voice often changes to a different tone so usually when I hear her voice I can tell where is she in terms of her health.

 

In short, I just don't know what to do, I feel alone in all of this, I feel hopeless that my mum will never get better or have any insight, I don't know how my own metal health will be with her living in the same town as Im struggling as it is even with her living at a distance. My mum seems to be getting progressively worse and I don't know how to navigate it all. I have a wonderful supportive fiance, and I can talk to my other family members, but I still feel on my own at times with the anxiety, stress and fear. I feel like a burden everytime I try to talk to people about my mum because I sound like a broken record. So in closing, if anyone has any advice they can offer please feel free to share. 

 

4 REPLIES 4

Re: My mum has no insight into her mental health

@Grace91 

 

I am really not in a good place myself tonight. I have read this though and understand. I've bene down this road very painfully and it cost me more than I should've paid. It basically ruined most of my life. Sit tight and will reply. 

Re: My mum has no insight into her mental health

@Grace91 - have you considered getting a mental health plan for yourself, or talking to your GP about your mum?

@BPDSurvivor, can you please check in here?

Re: My mum has no insight into her mental health

Thanks for the tag @Gwynn !

 

Hi @Grace91 ,

 

Thank you for reaching out on the forums. It certainly does sound tricky at the moment.

 

I have been living with BPD for over a decade. There has certainly been challenges, not only for myself, but those around me.


I can see that you have reflected on where you and your siblings stand in relation to your mum. My question is, does your mum realise things a slightly off balance in terms of her relationship with you all? If she is comfortable with where things are, and doesn't see any problems with her growing isolation, there is little any one can do. However, if she is not satisfied with how things are, you can then work with it. It's like this, if you don't know something is broken, why spend time trying to fix it? 

I think the first step is to ask her, 'Are you happy with how things are? Is this the life you want to live for the rest of your life?'

 

This will allow her to see it from a different angle than 'I have a mental illness.' It is good to also note the context of her upbringing. Her generation saw mental illness as straitjackets and mental institutions - if I were her, I wouldn't want to relate myself to this. It has only been in the last few years that mental health has become a less of a taboo and spoken about more.

 

So, @Grace91 , first thing is asking "Are things working for you?"

 

Keep us in the loop,

BPDSurvivor

Re: My mum has no insight into her mental health

Hi @Grace91 

 

My soon2bx has no insight into his menta heath issues.  I gave it all I had, trying to stay with him, flag down medical help, preserve our decades-old marriage ...... and ended up discarded for someone I didn't know he "had on the side" !!

 

While that is not very encouraging for you, and this is about your Mum, going to a counsellor for my own support was invaluable for the last few years, and since "the discard".  The counsellor has helped me to understand the core issues with my s2bx's mental health issues, and how I need to shield myself and heal.

 

I agree, that seeking that support is necessary for you (who is caring for the carer ?), and as a result of the advice you receive, it can help guide your Mum towards insight abt treatment.

 

While it didn't work out that way for me, and I am going through a firestorm now as a result of s2bx's state of mind regarding our separation, I am thankful that I sought that support ...... and the baton has passed to s2bx's new partner, who is behaving very vindictively as well.

 

Keep reaching out here, because the journey is bumpy no matter which way the road turns, and community support is priceless ❣️

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