29-06-2020 09:36 AM
29-06-2020 10:16 AM
Hi I'm new to this and I care for my partner with complex PTSD and multiple personality disorder (now called DID) and we have an autistic 8yo son. We have no family or friends here and no social support. I'm really struggling right now to keep them both safe.
I like to crochet
I'm a bit afraid of a few different things but no major phobias
I love puppy breath
29-06-2020 12:26 PM
Welcome! You are in the right place. I have been on a similar ride with my son re his medication. I think it's important that you keep your boundaries and prioritize your Selfcare. It's a really hard ride and the problem is that it dominates every aspect of your life and when they are medicated they meet regularly with their case/support workers and now it's just you. I try to give myself breaks as often as I can and I also use mindfulness when I can't have breaks and feel I am suffering from carers burnout. There is a fact on mindfulness on the sane website and I also found support groups with other carers really helped me and many of them are currently online. Hope that helps and welcome again
29-06-2020 01:09 PM
Thank you Sherpa. Will go to your e-mail now.
Things have certainly been difficult. My daughter phoned me this morning with same set of questions, needs. I told her I needed respite. I do. Am going to organise psychologist for myself as have CPTSD myself. My daughter's demands do not help one bit. So tired of it all. Guilt around saying I need respite. I'm taking it at anyrate. I am no longer able to help. Advised her to make contact with mental health workers previously on her case. Best I could do. I need rest.
Thanks again Sherpa
29-06-2020 01:30 PM
Thank you so much dadcaringalone. It certainly is a difficult journey.
This morning I told my daughter that I needed respite. I do. I'll go under otherwise. She has mental health workers she can contact (the ones she's abandoned) so feel her still to be safe. I am going to look into other forms of support for myself as suggested by yourself. Impossible to do this alone no matter how hard I try. Do you ever get angry dad? I do, and I hate it in myself, but sometimes lose the plot. It doesn't help I know. Think I've tried every approach in the book. Anger appears as a last resort.
Only now learning to navigate this website please excuse any failed responses etc.
Just wanted to thank you for your respone and hope you are travelling as well as can be expected through these very troubled waters.
29-06-2020 04:32 PM
Hi @Climatechange , welcome! I can relate a lot with what you are experiencing. My adult son, 31, was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years ago now. He does not believe he needs any help from the mental health team either. He is on a Community treatment order at the moment, so he has to have his depot injections. He is now having them every 3 weeks, instead of every 2. He absolutely will not do any therapy or counselling.
I know how hard it is to have all the responsibility of it all by yourself! My sons father died in 2004, and my son has used violence against my partner, so we don't have him at home. He lives in a share home, it's not very nice .
He has been doing very well lately though, I have only experienced one "episode" with him in the last few weeks. He too calls me regularly...usually asking me to buy him a few groceries, milk, coffee, juice...which I never mind running to the shops to get for him, as he always pays me back, and tells me how much he appreciates it. That always makes me feel good!
I know that a bad day can just be around the corner, so I hold dear the good days.
I hope you can get the respite you so badly need. I connected with Carers Australia, (I think they are called something else now) and the wonderful people there arranged for me to go to a carers day where we relaxed, had a lovely lunch, got a massage and talked with people going through the same things. They also paid for another massage for me! It's nice to be pampered for a change!!
Maybe you could look into something like that?
I wish you all the best, and will be thinking of you,
Cheers Libra xo
30-06-2020 06:30 PM
Thank you so much Libra. I'm struggling with how to navigate the site. My apologies for late response.
My apologies to all others as well if Ihave míssed your posts.
I had to tell my daughter and the mental health team that I need respite. I am so tired. I have all of the "bad mother" stuff in spades. The team was on side with me, and say the more I am able to step back the more my daughter will reach out to the professionals who can be more objective with her. They have remained in the background (I phoned) even though she has told them to leave her alone. I feel such guilt. Then anger. Every emotion possible. I want to do things with her. Support her. But I cannot be her psychiatrist.
All that I know is that if i dont take time for myself I will go under.
Thank you for referral to Carers Australia. I will definitely follow through. A nice lunch with people who understand sounds wonderful. A massage sounds like heaven.
We are are both alone with our adult children, and it is so sad. My daughter intelligent and talented. I'm sure your son the same. Seems common in people with schizophrenia.
I know what you mean about something appearing from just around the corner. I hope for you that the corner is a long way off.
Thank you Libra. Good to share with another who understands.
Kind wishes, Climatechange x
01-07-2020 05:32 AM
Welcome to the forum. I have been through caring for someone who has psychosis and it can be very scary and dangerous long lonely road. I have also had some pretty intense experiences with my brother who has a substance abuse problem. It got so bad that I had to take out an AVO against him which he did not respect and since then has caused problems with him and other members of the family who enable his behavior. As you said in your post that you are honest to your own detriment, I am also the same and will try to be to you. You have every right to feel safe and look after yourself. Someone else should not be hurting or causing you pain even though they are unwell. I would say to your comment about change that from my experiences, people do not generally change if they don't want to. My relationship has recently improved with my brother but after years of facing his physical abuse, I had had enough. A break gave me time to focus on myself which it sounds like you really need to do. Someone with a substance or dual diagnosis is very difficult to care for and you often end up neglecting yourself. It sounds like you need sometime for your own Selfcare and to take care of your thyroid. This is more than reasonable. This is all I have to say for now. You are not alone here. During my very lonely hard times I always found someone to chat with here. You have had a pretty full-on ride and things will improve. Take care and welcome aboard
01-07-2020 03:11 PM
Hi @Climatechange , thank you for such a lovely reply! You are not alone in not knowing how to negotiate the website!! I'm learning all the time.
Yes, the guilt is awful. We can't "just fix them". I have been telling myself lately that this is the situation and it may never change, so I have to accept it and just keep being there for him. I have certainly learnt the true meaning of unconditional love...and that I deserve a nice life too!
I will be taking my son shopping tomorrow afternoon after I finish work...our usual fortnightly thing. Sometimes he's great sometimes he's not. When he is well, he has the best sense of humour, I love it when he's like that!
Yes he's a smart young man like your daughter too.
Hope your week is going well,
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