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Qwt
New Contributor

I'm not the right friend for this man but he has no one

Im married and have a family but two years ago I became friends with my daughter's teacher . Sounds terrible but believe it or not , he has shut out everyone from his personal World . We found that we had a similar interest in art and this is where our friendship began . However things took a nasty turn when he start to have periods of anger and retaliation against me. I couldn't end the friendship . I really liked him and cared for his wellbeing and happiness . Life has been really traumatic for him . Being diagnosed with bipolar which eventually destroyed his short first marriage; being a primary school teacher and knowing he will never have children of his own;losing his father and being an ocean away from him; earning enough money to pay the rent and bills; not eating right ;not sleeping well;knowing that his condition affects his skills to be a good person .  His peers at school have no knowledge of his condition , at his request,  and I know that they view his untidyiness and disorganisation and struggle to get things done on time as poor teacher skills .. it's a predominantly woman's career so you can imagine the staff room chatter .. not their fault though .. they don't know .. 

We meet for coffee often and I know I am the only person he opens uP to. 

He has never let anyone into his personal life and I really feel sad knowing this man struggles daily . 2018 was a good year though .. he has been given the right mix of medication and his struggles seemed to dissipate . However .. since this new year began .. he has completely shut me out . No return calls , no reply so to texts , declined coffees and I'm too scared to visit him for fear of making him angrier . It's school holidays and he has done nothing but stay indoors . I worry that he has stopped his meds. My hands are tied and I don't want to overstep the boundaries he has set . 

If he knew I was asking for someone to help him , he would be mortified and I fear the repercussions. As a man trying to live independently with his condition he is trying so hard to manage . I'm scared . I'm scared he is doing harm to himself . I'm scared that he is depressed and distraught. 

Is there anyone professional out there who can pop in to his home and just say hi ? Without him knowing that I've reached out ? 

The anniversary of his father's death is late January and iknow he tortures himself mentally about it. 

I'm personally struggling too .. I suffer anxiety attacks and need to focus on my family . But I just can't stop worrying about him and I would collapse if something sinister happened and I didn't do anything about it . I've not spoken to a single soul about this ... No one would understand why ... Bi polar is unfair .. 

I need advice ..

1 REPLY 1

Re: I'm not the right friend for this man but he has no one

Hi @Qwt,

Welcome to the forums - it sounds like you have been a really wonderful friend to this person and showed such valuable compassion. I can imagine it must be tough with him disconnecting so much now and hear your concern. In this forum we can't share or connect people with specific professionals as this is a peer to peer support space and we have guidelines around anonymity. If you are looking for referrals you can call one of the below numbers for some help. 

 

beyondblue 1300 22 4636

SANE Australia 1800 18 7263 (opens at 10am)

lifeline 13 11 14

 

Otherwise, our forum members here have such a variety of experiences and will be more than happy to offer advice and support around a friend who is disconnecting and struggling with some mental health issues. Do you yourself have any professional supports in place? It's important to look after yourself to when supporting others. Keep reaching out 🙂

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