Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Bubbles82]

Hi. I'm new to all of this and I'm glad I found somewhere that might be able to help me.

I will give you the back ground to my question first.

On the 28th of Dec 2022 I rang the police to carry out a welfare check on a friend of mine who lives 2.5hrs away from me. He has a history or drug and alcohol abuse, and is on many meds for ADHD, bipolar, and depression. I rang the police as he was incoherent, abusive and completely not himself when on the phone to me. I was scared and very worried. His house mate is of no use as he has even worse mental health issues. My friends father lives near by, but was in Sydney on holidays at the time. The police lady I dealt with was fantastic, and rang me back after she had visited with my friend, and agreed that something was horribly wrong. She organised an ambulance, and my friend was taken to the RAH Adelaide. From there he was sent to a Mental Health Facility. I have been in contact with him daily, and went and visited him on New Years Day. He is very weak and is going thru withdrawals etc, but we did speak about why he is where he is. He has no idea that I put the call in to the police in the first place, and believes that his house mate rang the police on him. He says that he initially called the police that night, as his housemate was having an 'episode", but the police took him instead. He is very confused about what all happened that night. 

So my question is, do I explain that I called the police, and why. Or do I just let him believe that his house mate called them on him?

I want to be honest with him, but at the moment I don't know if he will understand.

Thanks for reading. 

[amber22]

Hey there @Bubbles82 and welcome to the forums! My name is Amber22 and I am a peer worker here at SANE. Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure there will be many members on here that can give you some great advice and their opinion on this, I'm so glad that you have reached out about it.

Firstly, I just want to acknowledge that was a really great thing that you did for your friend. By being able to see that your friend wasn't in a good headspace, and while being so far away, you definitely made the right move. I'm glad to hear that your friend is in a better place now and a place that can help them recover from this. 

In regards to your question, I think that while your friend is still in the mental health facility and focussing on their recovery it might be best to steer away from mentioning anything. Although I am sure that they will be thankful in the long run, it might be best to wait until they are in a better place mentally to unravel what actually happened that night, and how the police actually came to their house. It is not a story that will hinder them, but sometimes when you're in a vulnerable place everything can be really emphasised, and I think that disclosing information is always best taken when people are in better mental spaces. But again, this information is not something that I think your friend would be upset by, and I actually think that they would be very grateful for you caring so much and being so in tune with them from 2.5 hours away. 

All the best, 

Amber22

[TuxedoCat]

hey @Bubbles82, thank you for sharing this story and reaching out to a new place for some support. 

I imagine it was a really difficult decision to call for a welfare check and speak to the police/ambulance about what was happening! How are you feeling about it all now? 

In these tricky situations, I find that my gut reaction is usually what feels most right. And from the sounds of it, your gut is saying to tell him, but just not now. Is that right?

I really admire your desire to be honest with your friend, it's a great quality to have. I'm sure you can explain it in a loving way that talks about your worry for him ❤️ 

[wellwellwellnez]

Great question. I'd say, yes, correct the record sometime but also pick the right moment or that conversation.

And it explain it similar to how you explained it here. There's important details you'd want to not leave out.