How do i help

[Helpamumout]

Hi all, im new to this space but would love some advice or words of wisdom. My nearly 22 year old daughter has always struggled with anxiety and depression. I always sort help for her and tried to keep on top of it when the beast would flare up. She now lives independantly but is stuggling on a daily basis with it. We have had a lot of melt downs, manic episodes and everything in between in the last 15 months she has been living out of home. It seems when she hits her lows she reaches out for help and is active in making doctors appointments and will attend but then her mood elevates and she says she is good now and doesnt need help. This is a viscous cycle that is ongoing. I have done a lot of research and feel that she is on the verge of being bipolar or having BPD. She [is self-harming] and known to take other recreational drugs. I am so scared for her and dont know how to help other than what im doing. Any advice would be greatly recieved.

[edited by moderator]

[Jynx]

Hey @Helpamumout welcome to the forums, I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry to hear about the struggles your daughter is facing, and how challenging it has been for you. It can be so confusing, distressing, and downright anxiety-provoking to witness a loved one go through this sort of stuff. 

I think it's not uncommon for folks to feel improvement and decide they no longer need treatment. Sometimes, if it's a repeating pattern, you might be able to gently point it out, and encourage her to consider keeping up with treatment to help her in learning to recognise when things may be in decline, and help her develop skills to cope when things do turn south. It can also help to highlight that recovery is never a linear process - ups and downs are normal, but the more effort and time put towards it the easier it gets. 

I can hear you're also worried about her drug use - a very understandable concern. There's a wonderful group who run a service called Family Drug Support, and they have a support line if you wanted to give them a call to have a chat about it all. You can also give our SANE Support Centre (1800 187 263 Mon-Fri, 10am-10pm) a buzz to talk about it all. What's shareable is bearable, in my experience, and you deserve support too, with how heavy this would be weighing on you. 

I will tag @BPDSurvivor here too, as they may have some ideas/insights around the BPD stuff. Hope things shift for you and your daughter soon 💜

[StanD]

Hello @Helpamumout ,

I am writing to you from your daughter's side. I live alone, I have multiple diagnosis. Personally, I am believing that most, if not all MH diagnosis can be related back to trauma.

Things that can help me are consistency. Eg. A phone call at the same time each day 

I think the self-medicating is very normal response to experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed.

I can sympathize with your fears. These behaviours can lead to addiction & risk taking behaviours.

It sounds like she is desperate for her independence - maybe convincing herself, that is ok now - & no longer needs help.

Is she open to any types of therapy. If you are in Vic there are free mental health hubs, where she could see a psych once a week.

Maybe, she would like to be involved in a walking group?

I guess, if you can identify one her passions, interests - it might be very helpful to begin a routine around that interest.

There are so many therapies ie. Music, animal, equine, art, cooking etc.

I think, for me, routine & having things to do, look forward to, has helped me significantly.

There is also space needed & if she is having bad week, that needs to be respected, of course.

I am sorry you are worried for your daughter. I'm happy that she has a kind & loving & supportive mum like you. I think she will come good. Give her space, routine, celebrate her accomplishments. Most of all, simply being there for her is a priceless gift. I have lots of good of hope for her.

[tyme]

Hey @Helpamumout ,

I'm hearing how stressed and probably burnt out you feel.

Please know we are here for you.

I myself have navigated the ups and downs of BPD. I can see how attractive self management e.g. drugs can be. It's like a relief... yet in the long run, it's very damaging which I'm sure you know.

Does she speak to you much about what's going on for her?

[Helpamumout]

Hi Stan D, thank you for all your advice. Its certainly a hard road to navigate but small steps lead to bigger ones. My daughter is now seeking help which is a huge step for her to make with out being pushed but knows she has the support of all of us whenever she needs. Thank you once again.

[Helpamumout]

Hi Jynx thanks for the welcome and all of your help and advice.

[Helpamumout]

@tyme 

Yes it is a stressful time but have an amazing partner and family that are super suportive. My daughter and i are very close and i am lucky enough that she is very open with what she is feeling and going through.

My whole family suffer with mental health issues just not to the degree that my daughter does. I just feel useless at this point in time and like all parents wish i possessed the answers to make it all better for her. I am very pleased to say that she did make the decission to seek help and has been to the doctors with out being pushed by me so that is a huge thing and im so proud of her. Hopefully she continues on the road to recovery.