High Expectations

[Aleah]

Our adult daughter (35) has recently been diagnosed with autism and adhd (after 20 years of being told she has bipolar, GAD, depression, anxiety and other issues.  She has been drug resistant but has struggled through many different psychologists and psychiatrists…including several admissions to mental health clinics.   She knows all the therapies.   She has a supportive partner, but he has his own mental health issues.

She is not coping and expects us to be there for her when we have to work and deal with our own health issues.   
We understand why she is jealous of other family members getting on with their own lives and why she is hurt by their reluctance to support her in her illness.  
Writing this here makes me feel I should be doing more for her….but I also have to protect my own life and mental health.   I’m seeing a psychologist who says I’m doing all I can. 

[tyme]

Hi @Aleah ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you have really made an effort in the past to help you adult daughter and as much as you want to continue helping her, you realise you need to consider your own health. 

This is very understandable, and if anything, the right thing to do. Considering your daughter DOES have supports, you are not leaving her to fend for herself. Having these boundaries is what keeps both parties safe and well.

From my own experience, I know recovery is an active process and is not one-sided. You may be helping her all you can, but she also needs to do her part.

It may sound cruel, but even for myself, I kept leaning on people until I realised I needed to rely on myself to help myself. This takes time to understand. 

I hear it is hard for you right now, but please know you are not alone.

[Shaz51]

Writing this here makes me feel I should be doing more for her….but I also have to protect my own life and mental health. ----- Sending you lots of understanding hugs @Aleah 

feeling guilt is a big emotions and to find that right balance can be tricky 

I am still learning this with my husband 

and with my elderly mum who the doctors said she needs to be in a home needing more care and because of my physical problems 

letting you know that you are not alone 

@Smc , @Krishna , @Faith-and-Hope , @tyme , @FloatingFeather . @moderator 

also have a thread to click onto is called Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )