Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Carlachris]

Thank you. I have read and largely agree with both articles. I suppose we need to take what we need from all the information available and somehow make sense out of the patchwork we live in. I'm good at sewing so forever catching the dropped stitches in our marriage. I think I'm largely tired. The saying it is at times easier to "just give in" rings true. It doesn't help but It's true.

I am learning to gauge the crisis differently these days through trial and error. Bit of an impossible task now my love is unmedicated. I have been told by professionals that he needs to help himself. I've been telling them that for years.  
hubby holds Several degrees one in Political history and 2 honor degrees in Phsychology. Makes it even trickier when he already knows how to subvert the systems designed to help. For now we wait. I will not leave him. I'm not going to let MI take him from our family. we are becoming grandparents later this year. He has to decide what role to play in the childs life. Unmedicated none or medicated. 

thankyou for the articles. I appreciate them. 

[Former-Member]

@Carlachris A friend who used to work in the MH field did mention to me that intellectual people are often said to be harder to treat (my hubby does not understand the need for therapy as he has had too many therapists that were fixated on mindfulness breathing).  This  from an article by the  School of Life where they write:

"Therapy builds on the idea of a return to live feelings. It’s only when we’re properly in touch with feelings that we can correct them with the help of our more mature faculties – and thereby address the real troubles of our adult lives.  

Oddly (and interestingly) this means intellectual people can have a particularly tricky time in therapy. They get interested in the ideas. But they don’t so easily recreate and exhibit the pains and distresses of their earlier, less sophisticated selves, though it’s actually these parts of who we all are that need to be encountered, listened to and – perhaps for the first time – comforted and reassured."

[Carlachris]

Thankyou Darcy. I agree totally with your comment. Every word rings true. He is not helping himself at all now. Just waiting for something to happen. I don't have a clue anymore what will happen but he is loosing touch with reality.  It's only a matter of time. Feeling very sad today about that but nothing more I can do. I have emailed his Phsych who has said the same. It's sad. It doesn't need to be this way but paranoia is running our lives and it's hurting him. 

[Former-Member]

@LizzieLou   one of the reasons we don't live too close to our families is that both they & my hubby would likely find it too difficult.   

I think that there are families do not want to admit that there are MH issues on their side and face any self imposed stigma (or indeed feel they might be at risk) in relation to it. Is certainly the case with my relatives.  In one family of cousins that I have there are at least 2 x members with bipolar which are all blamed as being hereditary from the man my aunt married. However amongst my siblings and their offspring there are a few diagnoses which in my mind negates that assumption. 

[LizzieLou]

This is a lot like cousins of my husbands family, instead of supporting each other, they stay away

[Former-Member]

@Lish51014 

How are things going with your husband?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Silverfox 

Come and meet some others that care for their partners.

We understand ...

[Silverfox]

Thank you for the invitation. Where do you meet?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Silverfox  👋

@Former-Member is referring to this thread (as it's called) as a meeting place.  People who are posting here are those who have stayed connected with, and working from within, on relationships with loved ones who have mental illness challenges, as opposed to leaving.

I have been one such person, walking along with my husband for ten years with an undiagnosed, but clearly unwell, condition, however he has chosen to leave me recently, and under conditions that are unrecoverable.  That doesn't mean that I can't still contribute here if I feel I have something valuable to offer, or simply have other carers commiserate with my now-changed circumstances.  

We are all here for each other in a variety of ways.

[LizzieLou]

I am so glad I found this forum, to find that others have had the same experience as I have, of not being believed by the medical professional, the ill person being able to present such a good facade as to be believed implicitly.  I have found reassurance in hearing of  the experience of others, but can't help feeling that I would like to see much more support for partners of these clever people who can mask the extent of the illness. I think in my husbands case it is a survival strategy he has developed from early life, .  The big question is however, how to be heard so that at least doctors listen to carers, and are aware of the ability of highly intelligent clients being able to build a false front, which seems to be caused by a feeling of  threat.  

The skill of the person doing an interview seems to be most important, recently I have been present unlike the past, and some are able to ask questions that he opens up to easily.